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Spanking Neutrality

In a surprise move that we common folk in the states are not used to.  The FCC rejected the screaming and yelling of the powerful cable lobby and sided with us common folk to regulate them as common carriers and impose net neutrality on our beloved internet.  This means Dear Reader, that your spanking porn will be delivered to your computer just as fast as your Netflix movie, tax return confirmation or all of the data being delivered to the NSA about your spanking porn habits. 

This of course enrages our conservative crazies since they tend to get quite a bit of money from the cable companies who seem to think that they are entitled to charge us obscene amounts of money for 143 channels that we don't use.  People might of course stop subscribing and watch it on the internet.  where indeed is their business model now!

Well Dear Reader, this makes Your Humble Narrator almost giddy since once again the weeks spanking updates of the week will be delivered to you with blazing speed! 

Let us begin today with the latest from Spanked Sweeties.  So Lily here was never spanked growing up.  But like many of us spanko’s (both spanked and unspanked) she remembers becoming rather interested in the act at a young age.  Unfortunately Baltimore, MD is known for its murder rate more than spanking so she went out to the west coast.  This is where she realized she did not in fact have to dodge bullets but could work in a dungeon.  There she met Snow Mercy and the rest shall I say is history.  Also available though the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass.

Whenever there are girls, a sleepover and alcohol put together two things can of course be guaranteed.  First they will misbehave and second a game of truth or dare will break out.  Sometimes if you are lucky both will occur at the same time.  Now of all the drunken games I have played during my life Truth or Dare was the most effective way to convince a young female to take a spanking.  In fact a choice group of friends knew about my uncommon interest and even dared a few young ladies from time to time.  This of course is what is occurring at this sleepover on Real Spanking or the better valued 8 site Real Spanking Pass

Lovely Addie Juniper may be cute but she is really not smart.  Almost any person knows that one does not get between a female and her chocolate.  Chelsea Pfeiffer is no exception to this rule.  But instead of just getting yelled at Chelsea dishes out painful bare bottom spankings.  from Good Spanking

So my high school reunion is this summer.  yay.  As you can tell I am less than thrilled with the prospect as anyone I cared to keep in contact with I have.  While I might be somewhat entertained to see a female or two who got a red bottom from yours truly.  I can just as easily find that out on facebook.  Now if Amelia Jane Rutherford was in my class.  That would be a different story.  From Sound Punishments

Finally for tonight,  there is nothing like ending a spanking update than bringing a pretty young lady in riding attire behind the shed and beating her creamy white ass until its black and blue with a riding crop.  From Spanking Sarah


Spank a Ginger Day

Julie Andrews this week said she would be up for a little 50 Shades of Grey spanking.  Which is almost the exact think I said to myself after watching the Sound of Music the first time.  How her employer/future husband did not in fact take her over his knee and tan her bottom is beyond me.  Instead of Doe a Deer a Female Deer.  It should have been B a Bottom a red bare bottom.  Too bad that Rodgers and Hammerstein weren’t spankos

But all is not lost Dear Reader for you still have your Humble Narrator ready to start this weeks spanking updates of the week!

So a couple of weeks ago we saw our favorite Mystery Spanking,  Greg.  Spank the rather self absorbed yet pretty Charlotte’s Web.  Well it seems that we have proof that typical model behavior is learned rather inherited.  We see her manager,  former porn star Nikki Brooks come looking for her ward only to find her with a red bottom standing in the corner and a smirking mystery spanking admiring his handiwork.  Of course this does not go down will with Nikki and we come to find out she has quite the mouth on her.  Punishing her I must say is one of the better spanking scenes Greg and co have done recently.  From Bun Beating Fun

I woke up yesterday morning Dear Reader and it was –13 degrees out.  Mind you for our non-us that is Fahrenheit because we Americans have to be different and water will boil at 0 degrees over my dead body.  None the less it was cold, really fucking cold.  While my adopted New England is of course known for our harsh winters.  Its not that cold.  In fact I think it should stop immediately.  It went up above freezing on Sunday and I did a little dance because the ice melted a little on my driveway.  The only thing keeping me warm is watching Jenna Rose bottom get warmed on Spanked Callgirls or the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass

So I decided to add our favorite cherub faced spanker to our spanking updates.  Dear Reader meet 21 year old Alyssa who apparently is no stranger to spanking because her tight little bottom got it growing up well into her teens.  While I am not typically against recreations of spanking what is with letting the spankee hide her face?  Half of the entertainment in watching spankings is the looks of pain and embarrassment.  From Marked Butts

I have a story that is related to this spanking the young Bianca is getting this week for getting a ticket for underage drinking.  You see like my friend David Pierson and Bianca I too attended university in the great backwards state of Pennsylvania.  Being this was in the late 80’s and I a resident of my beloved city underage drinking was enforced in my youth exactly 0 times.  At the time the NYPD had lots of crimes to solve and people of color to shoot.  UAD was slightly above jay walking in importance.  Thus your Humble Narrator wide eyed with the world,  went off to school in PA only to find a state full of zealots who hated alcohol.  To make matters worse to this day the state runs all liquor stores and they are run by a pseudo law enforcement agency called the LCB who were rabid teetolers who would verbally harrass anyone coming into the store to purchase a bottle of wine.  Yes it was that fucked up.  Needless to say Like young Bianca I too get busted for UAD,  but my ticket was only 90 bucks.  From Punished Brats.

Finally for tonight,  while it is not kick a ginger day it is of course spank a ginger with a giant leather paddle on Firm Hand Spanking

Tuesday Spanking Matinee Aimee’s Spanking P1


50 Shades of Brushstrokes

So I am not sure that this says anything about our society or not but it seems the 50 shades of Grey has broken the first weekend box office record for sales previously held by The Passion of Christ better known as the Jesus Chainsaw Massacre.  I guess one could say that spanking is literally bigger than Christ!  Meanwhile dominatrix like Snow Mercy has seen an uptick in her S&M themed workout business.  Good for her. 

So let us now go see what the rest of the spanking internet is talking about. 

Chross’s Movie Review
Can’t Sit Down Sunday 
More 50 Shades Hype
God knows they deserve it.  Too bad its not harder
Rare Find



Spray On Hair Spanking

So I know from my Google Analytics that I have some Russian Readers of this fine spanking blog.  Not many but a respectable amount.  All I have to say Dear Ruskies is that I wanna party with you.  You see I was perusing youtube the other night and I came across some Russian driving videos.  It seems that driving laws in Russia are more of a often ignored suggestion that more often than not results in lots of people going to the hospital.  Kinda like driving though Boston with the addition of ultra-violence.  Its truly amazing.  One of my favorites is a group called Stop A Douchebag which is a series where young Russians seem to take offence at drivers who regularly drive down the sidewalk.  It is truly a masterpiece in theater. 

One of the more amusing things is that it is the fairer sex who seem to be truly baffled by these youths insisting that perhaps they shouldn’t drive on the sidewalk.  One of them even insisted that the sidewalk was for driving!

This of course suggests in addition to invading Ukraine and reigniting the cold war that the Russians also don’t spank their females nearly enough.  Perhaps they can take some lessons from the Spanking Update of the Week.

We begin this week with a memorable re-mastered spanking while Dallas searches for yet another deserving lady.  I do indeed remember this girl as Ozzma Lynn who in addition to being sent to Dallas by her own husband.  As I recall she has the most unusual shaped bottom.  Dallas calls it a bubble butt and I shall defer to him since he saw it up close.  To me however it resembled a ski jump.  Judging from her reaction I think he spanked her a hell of a lot harder than the first time he met her.  From Dallas Spanks Hard

Walmart announced today that they will pay their workers a slightly less shittier wage making it so the rest of us pay slightly less in food stamps for their employees while the Walton family light cigars with $100 bills.  How swell of them.  But worry not when Walmart finally comes to Amsterdam even with the generous wages there will be plethora of girls willing to get spanked for money.  From Real Life Spanking

This is not how you give an over one knee spanking.  No No No.  You see while it might be the trickiest position to pull off it gives the spanker some fundamental advantages over the traditional OTK Spanking.  First it gives the spanker more leverage which of course means a harder and more painful spanking.  This version of it demonstrated by Mr M on young Roxie does indeed accomplish the same thing.  But it ignores two very important factors.  First since the spankee is balanced precariously on your knee her hands are occupied by holding onto your leg to avoid falling off.  Thus you are presented with a bare bottom with no interference.  Second because of the nature of the position the bottom is fully stretched out making it impossible for her to clench her cheeks making much easier on the hand.  From Real Spankings or the better valued 8 site Real Spanking Pass

You know Dear Reader,  I once had a client try to pay me in spray on hair.  So I can indeed sympathize with the Governor’s predicament.  From Bars and Stripes.
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PTSD Spanking

So its generally commonly held by our European friends that American chocolate is well….  Terrible.  After all they have been making it since Columbus brought it back a couple hundred years before anyone heard of Milton Hersey.  So I found it interesting when reading an article today that Hershey is removing all its artificial flavoring in color.  They are doing so because not a small number of numbskulls with precious little snowflakes are convinced that things like red dye #9 is making their crotch fruit hyperactive. 

As I sat pondering this fact it dawned on my dim and alcoholic brain that these people were complaining about CANDY.  Umm,  the last time I checked candy made children hyperactive because well…  It was candy.  Not because it had some odd dye in it. 

This is why Dear Reader, we cannot have nice things.  There will always be some overprotective nitwit of a mother out there attempting to protect her child without acknowledging the fact that he or she is not special and most of his issues are not due to red dye #9 but because his or her parents are fucking idiots. 

I would say we should spank them but I fear these idiots are too far gone.  Better to start with the young ladies on the next installment of the spanking update of the week!

Famed Zombie survivalist Chelsea Pfeiffer called me the other day.  She was overjoyed that the Walking Dead got though an Episode without killing one of the main characters that we were just getting attached to.  This is good because I think Maggie was going to lose it and Glen would have to spank her.  None the less she told me about her session with the lovely Addie Juniper who though her stockpile of food and zombie slaying weapons was silly. From Good Spanking

Meanwhile in Kansas, not content with having a lunatic as a governor who believes he talks to God and he tells him to cut education and give rich people tax breaks are considering a new law that will criminalize any teach convicted of distributing “harmful” materials.  This being Kansas “harmful materials” include any gun related material not approved by the NRA,  Suggesting homosexuals should not be stoned and not being a Christian.  Meanwhile my Dear Friend the Portly Punisher is dealing with yet another law breaker.  It seems that Susan James decided to drive home a little tipsy.  Unlike Kansas,  in the UK there are actually things to hit that aren’t telephone pols and cows.  From Sound Punishment

So with all the Hype of American Sniper,  our justice system has decided that the best time to prosecute his killer is now.  Now its time for a little history lesson Dear Reader.  After John Lennon was murdered by David Chapman the country was outraged his lawyers insisted he was insane.  This is because a mental institution and being tormented by the suggestion the Beatles were bigger than Jesus is so much better than spending your life sane in prison.  Responding to popular demand our politicians scrambled to change the insanity defense to make it so even the Tea Party wouldn’t be considered insane.  Now it seems to me,  if a guy fought in a war,  Came back. The military said he was nuts.  His doctors said he was nuts.  His family said he was nuts.  Hell even the two guys he killed said he was nuts right before he killed them.  The chances are the guy was fucking nuts.  He belongs in a nice padded room and be force fed Haldol for the rest of his life.  Not mind you locked away in a prison.  The UK has been watching this however.  They know being in a war zone can indeed cause PTSD.  So our Able Amsterdam Authoritarian figured if his girls could face a spanking without killing anyone the chances are they won’t come home from war and go nuts.  From Spanked In Uniform


Considerate Spanking

So our conservative friends in the great state of Oklahoma not quite  understanding the consequences of the whole “to forget the past” thing took time out of their busy schedule declaring the president a communist to ban AP History.  This is of course because that any critical examination of US History doesn’t in fact suggest that our founding fathers really wanted a theocracy and that perhaps there are a few things in our history that we maybe shouldn’t have done. 

Now in fairness this isn’t exactly reserved for the Christian crazies.  My liberal brethren are just as guilty of promoting group think.  But while they might try to impose hypocritical speech codes to ensure no one ever gets offended about anything.  At least they don’t propose to replace AP History curriculum with Ronald Reagan speeches.  Because,  you know…  Ronnie was the second coming of Christ, though he would be called a RINO by today’s republicans. 

I am waiting of course for some nut, to propose banning all that learnin and writin lest anyone figure out how to think for themselves.  Should that fail,  there is always a good hard spanking on the Spanking Updates of the Week.

We begin today with Amelia Jane Rutherford getting an OTK spanking on Northern Spanking.  We do this not because of the spanking (though its quite nice) but merely because the site contains the word Northern.  Now if you live in the states and perhaps even further north, you will know that any area that is considered “Northern” is covered WITH 5 FEET OF GODDAMN SNOW AND ICE THAT REFUSES TO MELT BECAUSE ITS BEEN –30 F SINCE CHRISTMAS.  It feels good to get that out of my system. 

Talk about your considerate Spanker Dear Reader.  Of all the years of spanking blogging I have never once seen a spanker bring tissues so the girl who is getting spanking will have a place to blow their nose when the tears start flowing.  From Spanked Callgirls or the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass.

I am not sure who this girl is Dear Reader but I am quickly becoming unhealthily infatuated with the young Bonnie May.  She reminds me of a delicate china doll.  But the bare bottom beating Sara is giving her says otherwise.  From English Spankers

Ah the lowly Wooden Spoon.  Personally I think the wooden spoon doesn’t get enough credit as a spanking implement.  Although a favorite of female spankers the wooden spoon can do some serious damage to any females bottom.  Favored of course by the fairer sex probably because it being a common item in the kitchen.  Of course with women venturing out into the workplace such a handy and versatile implement is often out of reach.  But when it is,  it is feared.  From Punished Brats