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Surveillance Spanking

Recently Dear Reader the head of HR came waddling into my department which is generally a bad sign.  She was there to bring good news and to give each of us a present in the form of a Fitbit like thing. For those who may not know its a wristwatch thing that collects data about your body. 

It seems since our insurance premiums were so high,  The company was "encouraging" us to wear these devices to "track" our health.  As a reward of selling your privacy one would get "points" for doing healthy things which one could spend on something like an amazon gift card.  Your Humble Narrator being himself brought the device home and promptly attached it to the dog. 

Needless to say the powers that be were quite amazed that I could run around the dog park at 40 MPH (I have a greyhound) and spent an inordinate amount of time sniffing around fire hydrants.  We shall continue the rest of the story with the spanking updates of the week.

As my Friend Dallas knows I am not one for conspiracy theories.  But my refusal to wear such a thing is based somewhat in reality.  You see one of the things Your Humble Narrator excels at (unlike writing) is utilizing large amounts of information to predict what you are going to next so I can sell you shit.  Thus knowing what I know,  and knowing what can be done with it.  One can get a little paranoid.  I shall of course explain further but for now enjoy young Destiny getting her ass burned like she never has before.  From Dallas Spanks Hard

You see Dear Reader, though the miracles of modern technology, imbedded in that device is a heart rate monitor an accelerometer and a fancy pedometer all conveniently hooked up to your phone via bluetooth transmitting all that juicy information along with GPS positioning across the series of tubes we call the internet to a central repository.  While I am not a doctor,  I do know you can tell a great deal about someone by watching their heart rate coupled with the other things.  For example,  I know you are exercising and for how long.   I can tell if you are driving,  I can tell where you are driving.  I can even tell you with a reasonable amount of certainty based upon your location and heart rate when you are having sex.  Or in this case watching a hot young Kiki getting her ass beat on Real Spankings.  Or of course the better valued 8 site Real Spanking Pass

To make matters worse since we are in the infancy of wearable's,  its not exactly far fetched that these devices will soon monitor blood pressure, Blood sugar, even alcohol!  All of which is quite doable with present day tech.  Imagine for a second that your car will not start because your watch detects alcohol.  Or to be able to pinpoint the minute that you are hungry and offer you places to eat.  But of course if you don’t choose the healthy choice your health insurance goes up 10 bucks that month.  Hell I bet they could embed a device to ensure this next young girl to be spanked  with the odd name of Bemby is really over the age of 18.  Before I get an angry email from Spanking Sarah,  please know that due to Sarah’s reputation I am confident that the girl is of legal age (but damn she does look young or perhaps I am just old). 

Mind you Dear Reader this is in addition to all the other information that is happily being transmitted by your phone.  Download a silly app to do a face swap. Of course it wants access to your location, your contact list, your bookmarks, your Instagram and of course now your biometric information because apparently it needs all that to swap your friends face with a picture of a sore bottom you found online like on Punished Brats

The moral of this story Dear Reader is not to scold but to warn.  It is very possible I am being paranoid.  But knowing how to do the things that I do.  I find much of this quite likely.  Not in the far flung future but most in less than 5 years.  We Americans always thought Big Brother would come with a totalitarian regime with a Russian name.  But we never thought it would come in the form of us happily giving up our privacy to get the newest candy crush or to win a $5 Amazon card.  I have met Big Brother Dear Reader and his name is Brushstrokes and there are plenty of others like him. Just remember that when you click “Allow” on your phone that the guy who is getting that data moonlights as a Spanking Blogger.  From Firm Hand Spanking


The Church of The Wooden Paddle

The Governor of Indiana today signed into law a "Religious objection" bill.  The bill prohibits. "state and local laws that "substantially burden the ability of people  including businesses and associations to follow their religious beliefs"  So if for example your religion is against say race mixing.  You can now legally bar black people from your establishment.  This is presumably because the governor is saw how well it worked out for the south.

Since what we cannot seem to get though these peoples heads is a religion is not in face limited to those based upon zombie Jesus.  So Dear reader I present to you the Church of the Wooden Paddle.  I of course will reign as pope Brushstrokes the 1st.  Our main religious doctrine is of course that no female go without a spanking when they really need it.  Of course it really doesn't matter what the female thinks because we are simply following our religion and any of those pesky assault laws simply cannot apply to us.  So lets get in practice for our great Indiana spankoff with the spanking updates of the week!

We begin today with the tough job of being a life coach.  This is of course all the rage among the millennial since they got out of college and realized the real world kinda sucks.  Since mommy and daddy are now blowing the remainder of their inheritance they go to these “coaches” to advise them about their lives.  I’m not entirely sure what it means when your coach spanks you and fucks you with a strap-on however like Star Nine does to Jenna Sativa on Girl Spanks Girl or the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass

If there were ever a scourge of the road it would be women drivers being a menace on the road in their big gas guzzling SUV.  I do get it,  Dear Reader,  their husbands get them one so they can have 4 wheel drive and to obliterate whatever the next thing that she hits.  The problem is that usually we males forget to explain to these ladies that 4 wheel drive does not in fact mean 4 wheel stop.  This of course ends up with them smashing into lots of things when the white stuff comes down.  This of course has nothing to do with our Able Amsterdam Authoritarian spanking a hot little schoolgirl to tears on Spanked in Uniform

So to keep in the theme of female drivers being a menace on the road.  I found a new danger today.  You see Winter finally relinquished its icy hold on my adopted New England and warmer temperatures generally means the piles of the white stuff start to melt.  In the right conditions this generates copious amounts of fog.  Now the thing about fog, particularly thick fog it that it is very hard to see though.  Even more so when people don’t put their fucking headlights on.  Of course every single car that fit that profile tonight was indeed a female.  If I had my way Dear Reader each and every one of them would be made to don a maid outfit like this young lady on English Spankers

So although our English friends live in a glorified 3rd world country.  The one thing they can do much better than us Americans is insult people.  There is something about an Englishman saying “Bloody” anything.  You say it with our American accents it just sounds stupid.  And it can get you spanked like Kat St James found out on Marked Butts. 

Finally for tonight, as attractive as I find Belinda Lawson,  If she says “Yes Professor Grey” one more time I am going to tear my ears off.  From Firm Hand Spanking


Starbucks Spanks Together

So Dear Reader, last week Starbucks decided to promote racial harmony because when we think of Starbucks the first thing that comes to mind is selling overpriced coffee in a minority neighborhood.  They did this of course by having their barristers (aka people behind the counter) sign each cup with the theme "race together"  to engage in honest and open dialog about race.  I am sure like myself Dear Reader, you woke up this morning and enthusiastically started your day with the sudden urge to discuss racial disparity with someone who makes $7:50 an hour. 

Since they were shortly thereafter torn a new one by social media Starbucks is in the market for a new idea to try to relate its brand to something wholly irrelevant.  So why not indeed spanking!  After all what better time to spank someone when they are trying to order a double latte grande with an extra pump and 2 espresso shots.  So settle down Dear Reader with your over priced cup of Joe and enjoy this weeks Spanking Updates of the Week!

I certainly can see Cheyenne Jewel as a Starbucks barista though it appears that cocktail waitressing at the local casino pays better and you don’t have to discuss racial harmony with a bunch of over caffeinated yuppies.  Apparently turning tricks pays even more,  hence the reason for her bare bottomed spanking this week on the venerable Shadowlane

You know as much as I love it,  Kate Richards always looks like a hot mess when getting spanked.  There are usually limbs flailing, hair mussed and of course a facial expression that one would imagine a fully grown woman getting spanked would have.  This one is no different.  From My Spanking Roommate or the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass.

In an effort to be about as creepy as your peeping tom neighbor’s kid who is into taxidermy.  Facebook today rolled out “on this day”.  It will apparently remind you of pictures tagged as you on the anniversary of the upload.  As creepy as it might be,  I would imagine it could be used to reduce the spankings our girls get.  After all the painful reminder year after year that on this day your bottom was bared and you were spanked like a little girl.  I am sure it would work on Amelia Jane Rutherford.  From Northern Spanking

Knowing what it is like in Pennsyltucky when I see a spanking video produced there called “My Husband’s Truck” I know it will be entertaining.  For those of you who have not read my column for any length of time.  PA,  has two semi civilized areas in the form of Philadelphia and Pittsburg.  Everything in between is more or less indistinguishable from Kentucky and in addition to betrothing close relatives they love their trucks.  Needless to say trashing your husbands is indeed grounds for what I consider a pretty hard spanking.  From Punished Brats

Finally for tonight our Able Amsterdam Authoritarian is busy this week punishing young Julies bare bottom on Real Life Spanking.


OTK Sleepover Spanking (Part 1)

Monday Spanking News

So in spanking news this week the UK press outs another spanking enthusiast.  Chippenham headteacher (is there a tail teacher?) David Nicholson who the only reason we are talking about him is that he was stupid enough to use his school email account to set up an encounter with two prostitutes whom he wanted to spank while they were dressed as schoolgirls. 

Now learning from another event that shall not be named.  I have learned that the UK press has a rather liberal use of the word prostitute.  Here in the states,  sex for money generally has to be exchanged.  In the UK I have heard the term used to describe some of our most celebrated spanking models.  So take this with a grain of salt. 

In any case he finds himself suspended pending investigation which honestly if you are stupid enough to use your work email to set up a fling then you might be dim enough not to be teaching.  But the best quote out of all this was this gem. 

The two prostitutes said they were shocked to discover what he did for a living.

One of the women, aged 20, told The Sun: “He is a head and his fetish is spanking girls dressed in school uniforms, that’s quite scary. In his position he should be trusted.”

The other woman said: “If I had kids I wouldn’t want them to go to that school to be honest. What sort of family man is he? He should set an example.”

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Female Corrections Act

One of my favorite things in the world is when when people use prevailing law just to fuck with the rest of us.  Take the case of the Sodomite Suppression Act.    Now while my personal opinion is anyone who is that concerned about who is sticking what in whom is probably rather homosexual him or herself.  But this Dear Reader is golden. 

It seems that California being California has a method that any citizen can pay $200 to have a petition considered to be placed on the next election ballet.  Enter professional troll  Matt McLaughlin who filed a proposal initiative that allows “that any person who willingly touches another person of the same gender for purposes of sexual gratification be put to death by bullets to the head or by any other convenient method.”

Besides being about as offensive as one can get and gloriously hysterical the added bonus is by law the super politically correct attorney general of California by law has to write the title and the description of said proposal and make it available to gather signatures.  Fucking brilliant. 

With that little bit of amusement Dear Reader let us finish up the spanking updates of the week. 

While my friend Dallas has left California I urge anyone of you Dear Readers to contact me.  In turn I will send you $200 to file a initiative for Your Humble Narrator.  It will be entitled the “Female Correction Act” and will allow for “any female upon committing an act which violates common practice as determined by the nearest male shall be spanked with hand or any nearby object as the spanker sees fit”  From Dallas Spanks Hard

While I hate to say it,  as stunningly beautiful Isobel Wren is her past spankings were well….  Kinda disappointing.  While I wouldn’t want any of our girls pushed past their limits there is the fact that spankings are well…  spankings.  they are supposed to hurt.  If you are not ok with that, well then being a spanking model might not be for you.  Apparently this week Our beloved cake boy explained this to her since he is going to town on her ass and might produce some lovely tears.  From Sarah Gregory Spanking

It is good that our Able Amsterdam Authoritarian supports education for today’s youth.  That is why of course he started the Whippingsham Secretarial College.  Of course he implements harsh spankings since being secretaries they will have to get used to such punishments when they mess up at work.  From Spanked In Uniform

Your Humble Narrator is an OTK kind of guy, which is even more surprising that I find this belting of young Raquel’s bare bottom really really hot.  It is a short violent spanking with lots of screams of anguish and tears.  From Real Spanking or the better valued 8 site Real spanking Pass

Finally for today,  While it seems that John Osborne is on every spanking site this week let us at least take a look at his own site and what he is doing to Sarah Gregory’s bottom.  From Triple A Spanking


Marine Spanking

So one of the big news stories this week is how the marines are "testing" whether or not women have the strength and stamina for ground combat.  Now I am of course all for women's rights (other than females being able to opt out of getting a spanking).  But it seems to me that this is just a recipe for disaster. 

You see Dear Reader as we all know no matter how well behaved a girl might be there will be that time in her life that she could benefit from a good hard bare bottom spanking.  Spanking a female trained to kill you 37 different ways with little more than a toothpick and a length of dental floss seems to me a somewhat scary proposition. 

In addition Marines are trained to ignore pain.  How effective would even brutal caning be for such ladies.  No dear reader it makes sense to keep them as the fairer sex and much easier to pull across your knee on the Spanking Updates of the Week!

One of the girls who I would seriously fear for my safety after spanking her.  While she is only 5’4” she seems to be quite the wrestler in the adult world.  Apparently two girls wrestling where the loser gets fucked with a strap on is a thing.  I guess its not any stranger than spanking.  From Shadowlane.

So Chelsea has had some shooting problems,  first one of her models pulled out because she lacked a babysitter and I suppose bringing an infant to a spanking shoot is probably not a good idea.  Then Chelsea fell ill with the dreaded disease that has be wracking the Americas for the past couple of months.  So instead she brings out one of the best spanking movies she ever made with a painful outdoor spanking of Sinn Sage for trespassing I don’t think has ever been seen on Good Spanking

So the last time I spoke with John Osborne (aka cake boy).  He was complaining to me (which he often does) about coming to the states,  seeing his girlfriend Sarah Gregory and having to watch Football.  Well let me clarify,  he wasn’t specifically complaining about Sarah or the trip over here.  Just having to watch a manly sport that doesn’t require grown men kicking each other and writhing painfully on the ground.  So I guess he got his revenge on Sarah behind this week on Spanked Callgirls or the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass

So the past few episodes of the Walking Dead has not been kind to males of color.  In fact the NYPD and the Ferguson Police would be proud how efficient the zombies are in dispatching them.  (yes that was purposely in bad taste).  To further the problem with racist zombies anyone protesting “hands up don’t shoot” gets promptly eaten much to Eric Holder’s chagrin.  Meanwhile Rick is going to kill that doctor and probably spank his wife!  The cad!  Hopefully as hard as young Brittney is getting it on Punished Brats

Finally for today our Portly Punisher takes Susan James over his knee and she finds out what the wooden hairbrush feels like on her bare bottom.  From Sound Punishments