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The Church of The Wooden Paddle

The Governor of Indiana today signed into law a "Religious objection" bill.  The bill prohibits. "state and local laws that "substantially burden the ability of people  including businesses and associations to follow their religious beliefs"  So if for example your religion is against say race mixing.  You can now legally bar black people from your establishment.  This is presumably because the governor is saw how well it worked out for the south.

Since what we cannot seem to get though these peoples heads is a religion is not in face limited to those based upon zombie Jesus.  So Dear reader I present to you the Church of the Wooden Paddle.  I of course will reign as pope Brushstrokes the 1st.  Our main religious doctrine is of course that no female go without a spanking when they really need it.  Of course it really doesn't matter what the female thinks because we are simply following our religion and any of those pesky assault laws simply cannot apply to us.  So lets get in practice for our great Indiana spankoff with the spanking updates of the week!

We begin today with the tough job of being a life coach.  This is of course all the rage among the millennial since they got out of college and realized the real world kinda sucks.  Since mommy and daddy are now blowing the remainder of their inheritance they go to these “coaches” to advise them about their lives.  I’m not entirely sure what it means when your coach spanks you and fucks you with a strap-on however like Star Nine does to Jenna Sativa on Girl Spanks Girl or the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass
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If there were ever a scourge of the road it would be women drivers being a menace on the road in their big gas guzzling SUV.  I do get it,  Dear Reader,  their husbands get them one so they can have 4 wheel drive and to obliterate whatever the next thing that she hits.  The problem is that usually we males forget to explain to these ladies that 4 wheel drive does not in fact mean 4 wheel stop.  This of course ends up with them smashing into lots of things when the white stuff comes down.  This of course has nothing to do with our Able Amsterdam Authoritarian spanking a hot little schoolgirl to tears on Spanked in Uniform
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So to keep in the theme of female drivers being a menace on the road.  I found a new danger today.  You see Winter finally relinquished its icy hold on my adopted New England and warmer temperatures generally means the piles of the white stuff start to melt.  In the right conditions this generates copious amounts of fog.  Now the thing about fog, particularly thick fog it that it is very hard to see though.  Even more so when people don’t put their fucking headlights on.  Of course every single car that fit that profile tonight was indeed a female.  If I had my way Dear Reader each and every one of them would be made to don a maid outfit like this young lady on English Spankers
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So although our English friends live in a glorified 3rd world country.  The one thing they can do much better than us Americans is insult people.  There is something about an Englishman saying “Bloody” anything.  You say it with our American accents it just sounds stupid.  And it can get you spanked like Kat St James found out on Marked Butts. 
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Finally for tonight, as attractive as I find Belinda Lawson,  If she says “Yes Professor Grey” one more time I am going to tear my ears off.  From Firm Hand Spanking
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Brushstrokes

Starbucks Spanks Together

So Dear Reader, last week Starbucks decided to promote racial harmony because when we think of Starbucks the first thing that comes to mind is selling overpriced coffee in a minority neighborhood.  They did this of course by having their barristers (aka people behind the counter) sign each cup with the theme "race together"  to engage in honest and open dialog about race.  I am sure like myself Dear Reader, you woke up this morning and enthusiastically started your day with the sudden urge to discuss racial disparity with someone who makes $7:50 an hour. 

Since they were shortly thereafter torn a new one by social media Starbucks is in the market for a new idea to try to relate its brand to something wholly irrelevant.  So why not indeed spanking!  After all what better time to spank someone when they are trying to order a double latte grande with an extra pump and 2 espresso shots.  So settle down Dear Reader with your over priced cup of Joe and enjoy this weeks Spanking Updates of the Week!

I certainly can see Cheyenne Jewel as a Starbucks barista though it appears that cocktail waitressing at the local casino pays better and you don’t have to discuss racial harmony with a bunch of over caffeinated yuppies.  Apparently turning tricks pays even more,  hence the reason for her bare bottomed spanking this week on the venerable Shadowlane
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You know as much as I love it,  Kate Richards always looks like a hot mess when getting spanked.  There are usually limbs flailing, hair mussed and of course a facial expression that one would imagine a fully grown woman getting spanked would have.  This one is no different.  From My Spanking Roommate or the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass.
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In an effort to be about as creepy as your peeping tom neighbor’s kid who is into taxidermy.  Facebook today rolled out “on this day”.  It will apparently remind you of pictures tagged as you on the anniversary of the upload.  As creepy as it might be,  I would imagine it could be used to reduce the spankings our girls get.  After all the painful reminder year after year that on this day your bottom was bared and you were spanked like a little girl.  I am sure it would work on Amelia Jane Rutherford.  From Northern Spanking
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Knowing what it is like in Pennsyltucky when I see a spanking video produced there called “My Husband’s Truck” I know it will be entertaining.  For those of you who have not read my column for any length of time.  PA,  has two semi civilized areas in the form of Philadelphia and Pittsburg.  Everything in between is more or less indistinguishable from Kentucky and in addition to betrothing close relatives they love their trucks.  Needless to say trashing your husbands is indeed grounds for what I consider a pretty hard spanking.  From Punished Brats
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Finally for tonight our Able Amsterdam Authoritarian is busy this week punishing young Julies bare bottom on Real Life Spanking.
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Brushstrokes

OTK Sleepover Spanking (Part 1)

Monday Spanking News

So in spanking news this week the UK press outs another spanking enthusiast.  Chippenham headteacher (is there a tail teacher?) David Nicholson who the only reason we are talking about him is that he was stupid enough to use his school email account to set up an encounter with two prostitutes whom he wanted to spank while they were dressed as schoolgirls. 

Now learning from another event that shall not be named.  I have learned that the UK press has a rather liberal use of the word prostitute.  Here in the states,  sex for money generally has to be exchanged.  In the UK I have heard the term used to describe some of our most celebrated spanking models.  So take this with a grain of salt. 

In any case he finds himself suspended pending investigation which honestly if you are stupid enough to use your work email to set up a fling then you might be dim enough not to be teaching.  But the best quote out of all this was this gem. 

The two prostitutes said they were shocked to discover what he did for a living.

One of the women, aged 20, told The Sun: “He is a head and his fetish is spanking girls dressed in school uniforms, that’s quite scary. In his position he should be trusted.”

The other woman said: “If I had kids I wouldn’t want them to go to that school to be honest. What sort of family man is he? He should set an example.”

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Brushstrokes

Female Corrections Act

One of my favorite things in the world is when when people use prevailing law just to fuck with the rest of us.  Take the case of the Sodomite Suppression Act.    Now while my personal opinion is anyone who is that concerned about who is sticking what in whom is probably rather homosexual him or herself.  But this Dear Reader is golden. 

It seems that California being California has a method that any citizen can pay $200 to have a petition considered to be placed on the next election ballet.  Enter professional troll  Matt McLaughlin who filed a proposal initiative that allows “that any person who willingly touches another person of the same gender for purposes of sexual gratification be put to death by bullets to the head or by any other convenient method.”

Besides being about as offensive as one can get and gloriously hysterical the added bonus is by law the super politically correct attorney general of California by law has to write the title and the description of said proposal and make it available to gather signatures.  Fucking brilliant. 

With that little bit of amusement Dear Reader let us finish up the spanking updates of the week. 

While my friend Dallas has left California I urge anyone of you Dear Readers to contact me.  In turn I will send you $200 to file a initiative for Your Humble Narrator.  It will be entitled the “Female Correction Act” and will allow for “any female upon committing an act which violates common practice as determined by the nearest male shall be spanked with hand or any nearby object as the spanker sees fit”  From Dallas Spanks Hard
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While I hate to say it,  as stunningly beautiful Isobel Wren is her past spankings were well….  Kinda disappointing.  While I wouldn’t want any of our girls pushed past their limits there is the fact that spankings are well…  spankings.  they are supposed to hurt.  If you are not ok with that, well then being a spanking model might not be for you.  Apparently this week Our beloved cake boy explained this to her since he is going to town on her ass and might produce some lovely tears.  From Sarah Gregory Spanking
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It is good that our Able Amsterdam Authoritarian supports education for today’s youth.  That is why of course he started the Whippingsham Secretarial College.  Of course he implements harsh spankings since being secretaries they will have to get used to such punishments when they mess up at work.  From Spanked In Uniform
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Your Humble Narrator is an OTK kind of guy, which is even more surprising that I find this belting of young Raquel’s bare bottom really really hot.  It is a short violent spanking with lots of screams of anguish and tears.  From Real Spanking or the better valued 8 site Real spanking Pass
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Finally for today,  While it seems that John Osborne is on every spanking site this week let us at least take a look at his own site and what he is doing to Sarah Gregory’s bottom.  From Triple A Spanking
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Brushstrokes

Marine Spanking

So one of the big news stories this week is how the marines are "testing" whether or not women have the strength and stamina for ground combat.  Now I am of course all for women's rights (other than females being able to opt out of getting a spanking).  But it seems to me that this is just a recipe for disaster. 

You see Dear Reader as we all know no matter how well behaved a girl might be there will be that time in her life that she could benefit from a good hard bare bottom spanking.  Spanking a female trained to kill you 37 different ways with little more than a toothpick and a length of dental floss seems to me a somewhat scary proposition. 

In addition Marines are trained to ignore pain.  How effective would even brutal caning be for such ladies.  No dear reader it makes sense to keep them as the fairer sex and much easier to pull across your knee on the Spanking Updates of the Week!

One of the girls who I would seriously fear for my safety after spanking her.  While she is only 5’4” she seems to be quite the wrestler in the adult world.  Apparently two girls wrestling where the loser gets fucked with a strap on is a thing.  I guess its not any stranger than spanking.  From Shadowlane.
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So Chelsea has had some shooting problems,  first one of her models pulled out because she lacked a babysitter and I suppose bringing an infant to a spanking shoot is probably not a good idea.  Then Chelsea fell ill with the dreaded disease that has be wracking the Americas for the past couple of months.  So instead she brings out one of the best spanking movies she ever made with a painful outdoor spanking of Sinn Sage for trespassing I don’t think has ever been seen on Good Spanking
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So the last time I spoke with John Osborne (aka cake boy).  He was complaining to me (which he often does) about coming to the states,  seeing his girlfriend Sarah Gregory and having to watch Football.  Well let me clarify,  he wasn’t specifically complaining about Sarah or the trip over here.  Just having to watch a manly sport that doesn’t require grown men kicking each other and writhing painfully on the ground.  So I guess he got his revenge on Sarah behind this week on Spanked Callgirls or the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass
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So the past few episodes of the Walking Dead has not been kind to males of color.  In fact the NYPD and the Ferguson Police would be proud how efficient the zombies are in dispatching them.  (yes that was purposely in bad taste).  To further the problem with racist zombies anyone protesting “hands up don’t shoot” gets promptly eaten much to Eric Holder’s chagrin.  Meanwhile Rick is going to kill that doctor and probably spank his wife!  The cad!  Hopefully as hard as young Brittney is getting it on Punished Brats
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Finally for today our Portly Punisher takes Susan James over his knee and she finds out what the wooden hairbrush feels like on her bare bottom.  From Sound Punishments
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Brushstrokes

Potato Spanking

Hello Dear Reader,  Yesterday was of course Irish drinking and fighting day.  A day that my beloved city gets invaded by inebriated people seeking copious amounts of alcohol, boiled meat and strangely repeated reminders that someone name Erin to wear a bra. 

Not that I am biased or anything Dear Reader,  after all when my ancestors met their ancestors mine were engaged in feats of engineering and the largest empire that the world has ever seen while thier's were still swinging from trees and painting themselves green.

Besides the only reason its such a big deal in my beloved city is a fair amount of Irish fled here after their utter failure to cultivate even the lowliest potato.  But on the bright side they have produced fair bottomed girls who color nicely when given a spanking on the Spanking Spot's Spanking updates of the week!

Irish Legend has it that slight beings wearing green, if caught legend has it that it will offer you 3 wishes which inevitably go hilariously wrong or a gold coin.  Strangely no one has thought of spanking them to extract a better deal.  Considering little Bailey Paige is only 5’3” and 90 pounds soaking wet she indeed fits the description of the mythical fairy.  Considering how hard she is crying from the application of the hairbrush to her perfectly shaped bottom she will probably grant you any wish you want!  From Dallas Spanks Hard
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What of course comes after St Potato Day Dear Reader?  Other than a relief that we will not have to endure Irish Pride for another 264 days it also corresponds with quite a few hangovers the following day.  Unfortunately Kajira tries to skip gym to try to sleep it off and that only results in her bottom feeling like her head.  From Real Spanking Institute or the better valued 8 site Real Spanking Pass
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Our Able Amsterdam Authoritarian has a new naughty lady to spank on Real Life Spanking.  Dear Reader meet 29 year old tomboy Annelies who is decidedly not Irish since she insists on speaking Dutch when she is getting her ass beaten. 
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Once again Bonnie May graces Your Humble Narrators pages.  With her perfect figure and her jaw dropping rear end she is quickly becoming one of my favorites.  From Spanking Sarah
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Finally for today,  Your Humble Narrator was never a good writer in school.  That is indeed why you read this mess of garbled thoughts week after week.  But then again I was never motivated  to produce good copy with the threat of a wooden hairbrush applied to my bottom like Portia Marlowe is.  From Firm Hand Spanking
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Brushstrokes