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As I have mentioned before, like a good little liberal, Your Humble Narrator often finds himself listening to NPR on the long ride between my home and place of work.  For those outside the US NPR stands for National Public Radio, which means that it is funded by public and private sources and contains no commercials.  I often find their in depth reporting quite interesting in an array of subjects.  Viewing them objectively, however I can understand why our conservative crazies hate with the intensity of 1000 suns such a thing for I,  Brushstrokes, the quintessential liberal commie bastard who believes in spanking women find it incredibly annoying how painfully politically correct they are.  I swear they have a VP of PC personally approving each and every story to make sure that it contains the exact elements of the racial, sex and economic status in the right proportions as dictated by the PC Police.  But today, today Dear Reader they have truly out done themselves. 

I bring you courtesy of NPR the story of Brittney Griner.  Now you never have heard of this woman because she apparently a star in the WBA (Woman’s Basketball League) which much to the horror of the feminist wing of the PC police no one in this country gives a shit about.  Standing at a muscular 6’8” is not only a female fighting for respect in a male dominated sport. But she is A) mixed race.  B) a lesbian.  C) A fearless warrior of woman’s rights for being offended that WBA players wear skimpier clothing to entice the rest of us into actually giving a shit about the WBA.  In essence they have found the perfect politically correct news story. 

Now I am not sure about you Dear Reader.  For I am generally a laid back kind of guy.  If she wants to play basketball,  I say go for it.  But please don’t scold me for not giving a crap.  In addition I don’t care what race you are,  what gender you are attracted to or if you feel offended that the world doesn’t work the way feminists think it should.  My only real question (and look her up,  because she is not some waif) how exactly do you spank a 6’8” girl that literally could kick your ass into kingdom come?  Thankfully we don’t have to worry about this with our next contestants on the Spanking Updates of the Week. 

There is a time honored tradition here in the states that when you purchase your first home with some land (or rent one with a yard).  Someone inevitably will bring you a housewarming gift enabling you to enjoy said yard.  This kit generally contains a badminton set and in happier times a set of lawn darts. The Badminton set will usually only be used once during some drunken gathering if only to see your friends fall over one another trying to smack the birdie to kingdom come.  Back in the day the Lawn Darts received considerably more use as it was fun to throw at small children.  Thus badminton received the reputation of not actually being a sport but rather an drunken activity one engages with once the government takes your lawn darts away.  Apparently Dear Reader this is quite the opposite in Amsterdam, for the Hollish seem to take their badminton seriously.  In fact being poor at it gets one spanked as young Cory finds out!  From Spanked in Uniform
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To be fair this trend started long before our heralded Cameraman took over for our now retired Clare Fonda.  But the history of the sites included under the Clare Fonda Pass can only be described when giving us the reason why various girls are getting spanked as well…..  a hot mess that rarely makes a whole lot of sense.  But who Dear Reader said it had to?  After all there are girls getting spanked!  from My Spanking Roommate
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Speaking of diversity,  Unfortunately when it comes to spanking there is little of it.  While it has gotten better over the years it would not stand up to NPR’s PC police.  They in fact would demand the exact ration of people of color, Latino, Asian American’s and gender misaligned be spanked in the exact percentage of of whatever their Politically Correct manual said.  If of course they weren’t screaming about women getting spanked in the first place.  Happily Pandora Blake has always bucked the norm and today with Lola Marie finding herself over Sir Thomas’s knee she bucks the trend.  From Dreams of Spanking
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Finally for tonight,  I am not sure how I missed this Dear Reader, But Firm Hand Spanking rolled out a new naughty girl a week and a half ago and she is indeed cute.  Dear Reader Meet Jodi Bitmore who reminds me of a rather young Chloe Elise (god I miss her).  Despite FirmHand having the reputation of not quite spanking hard for some of their new girls this one is pretty respectable, and of course she has a lovely ass. 
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A Day From Hell.. Oh and some Spanking

Have you ever had one of those days Dear Reader.  A day that even the most improbable things go wrong.  That Dear Reader was the past two days.  It began yesterday with Your Humble Narrator enjoying the first real day that it was not snowing, icing or just plain raining.  Whistling a happy tune in my lime green super economy car (this is important Later) while driving back from my place of work.  I suddenly heard a flapping and my steering wheel jerked left.  Yes indeed I had got a flat.  Normally not a tragedy however in this day and age in our super economy cars. Car Manufactures have stopped including a handy little thing called a spare and instead they give one a “tire repair kit” which consists of a pump and a can of fix a flat.  Not all that useful when one gets a blowout. 

So there I was Dear Reader,  in the middle of gods country.  So I did the only logical thing.  I called my significant other who while I was on the phone with her was in the process of getting pulled over by a cop.  So since she was busy,  I called a tow truck and waited patiently figuring I would owe her a spanking for not using her hands free setup on her phone. 

But providence was not smiling upon me.  For she returned my call to tell me that her car’s registration had expired and the cop was going to have her towed.  So thus,  we were both miles from home and not a drivable car between us.  And with this tale of woe we begin the next installment of the spanking updates of the week!

Now normally in this situation I would sit patiently waiting for my tow truck contemplating just how painful a spanking my SO would recieve when we got home.  I can promise you Dear Reader it would have been considerably harder than the one young Cory is getting from our Able Amsterdam Authoritarian on Real life Spanking this week.    Except for one small issue.  It really wasn’t her fault.  You see the state I live in has some of the most convoluted car registration laws known to man.  In this particular case We both bought new cars a year ago.  Usually registrations for new cars last 2 years.  Except as I learned from the dick cop on the other side of the phone, when as she did,  simply change your license plate to the new car instead of getting a new one like I did.  The reason for this?  Who the hell knows!  Besides I had more pressing issues as I found out shortly thereafter as all the rental car places close unhelpfully at 6pm and the nearest taxi wanted $55 just to pick one of us up! 


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Meanwhile My significant other wisely has turned into a gas station when she was pulled over.  Happily the one bit of luck we had that day is that the owner allowed her park the car there removing the reason the dick cop had for towing her.  Hence he left leaving her with a $117 dollar ticket.  As she called around for an hour in a vain attempt to acquire transportation.  The tow truck driver further shredded my poor tire (not that it mattered) and soon we were crawling down the road back to civilization.  Then my lovely significant other did the unthinkable for her.  She broke the rules.  She decided to risk it and drive her now illegal car to meet me at my final destination.  Normally this indeed would have earned her a spanking like the one Annabelle Lee is getting from the lovely Chelsea Pfeiffer but in this case she took a calculated risk which finally worked out for us.  From Good Spanking
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Now this is a proper spanking for such a small naughty girl Dear Reader.  Mr M executes the difficult over one knee spanking on Kiki’s pert and soon to be sore bare bottom.  As you probably all know this is probably one of your humble narrators favorite spanking positions.  Although requiring a sizeable height difference between the spankee and the spanker and rather difficult to pull off.  It has the considerable benefit of giving the spanker considerably more leverage to land his blows and gives the spankee’s hands occupied steadying herself rather than trying to block the painful blows.  From Real Spanking or the better valued 8 site Real Spanking Pass
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Finally for today Dear Reader,  As bad as a day I did have yesterday.  At least indeed I was not spanked.  Which is more than I can say for the red bottomed Amelia Jane Rutherford.  From Sound Punishments
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Clare Fonda Gets Her First Spanking In a Long Time

We Americans love our exceptionalism Dear Reader.  In fact I think I have come to the belief that we simply could not function if we did not truly believe that we are somehow better than the rest of you shmucks.  This of course is evident in our movies,  for there isn’t a better theme for a movie to make our blood boil  than someone invading America so we can open up a can of Whoop Ass on them and finally use all of those guns we have been collecting despite my liberal brethren trying to take them away.  After all when was the last time you saw a European filmmaker make a movie about getting invaded by a foreign country?  This of course is because most of them have in recent history and they know it kinda sucks.  The problem of course is that we Americans have no more real enemies for us to envision invading us.  Sure we have the occasional lunatic flying planes into our buildings but they are kind of hard to take down with all of our AR-15’s we collected and whom our Muslim Fascist Commie president is trying to confiscate. 

I mention this Dear Reader because I watched a rather amusing film the other night.  I believe it was named “Olympus Has Fallen” which chronicled the fantasy that North Korea somehow would hold the President Hostage and attempt to blow up all of our nukes.  Now I will say it was entertaining if one considers it a action movie.  But the mere premise that somehow a country that can’t figure out how to feed itself and worships its leaders as gods can somehow be anything more than a pain in the ass is completely preposterous. 

Well maybe Putin will start WWIII.  But while we wait with baited breath for yet a third European war let us remember what is important.  Our freedom to spank naughty girls on the Spanking Updates of the week!

We begin today with the (sorta) retired queen of spanking.  That is of course none other than the heralded Clare Fonda.  Now of course Clare is more known for dishing out the spankings but being a female.  Once and a while she really needs one.  This one Dear Reader is long overdue since she made herself scarce in our little hobby.  But her time off seems to have done her well since she looks fantastic both with her dress on and with her panties pulled down.  From Spanked Call Girls or the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass
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Today of course is April Fools Day.  Last year I brought you exclusive footage of Selena Gomez getting spanked after her brutal breakup with that Justin Bieber thing.  Would I do that to you 2 years in a row?  Of course not.  Instead is a very real newcomer to the spanking world.  Dear Reader meet the adorable Ashley who in my opinion could use to get spanked a little harder since she appears to be smiling throughout her ordeal.  From English Spankers
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In my travels around the internet Dear Reader I have come across some really strange things.  One of the strangest (and probably the most uncomfortable) is the concept of the Ass Hook which after thinking about it a while,  is not a bad idea.  But today we witness history for our favorite Cake Boy introduces Casey Calvert to the concept of combining spanking with the ass hook,  all the while being dolled up in a cheerleader uniform.  Creative Punishment Indeed!  From Triple A Spanking
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As we all know Dear Reader,  while being punished our girls can be less than cooperative.  After all it is indeed a spanking and by definition they tend to hurt.  Thus it is not at all surprising that various extremities flail in an attempt to block the beating of their bare bottoms.  Now if nature had any sense they would have ceased to evolve hands and legs.  But that takes the whole sport of spanking out of the equation.  Thus it is important to remember to use your limbs to restrain hers if you intend on giving her a proper spanking.  One of the most effective of course is the single knee spanking position which leaves one leg to pin her two kicking legs.  While it might be uncomfortable for the spankee.  (when are spankings supposed to be comfortable).  Other than a second set of arms it is the most effective way of properly exposing the ass to be spanked without interference.  From Firm Hand Spanking
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Don’t Ask Your Bank Teller to Spank You

So I was listening to the radio the other day and I was quite surprised to hear that most bank tellers nowadays make below poverty wages for a 40 hour work week.  Bank Tellers while a generally non skilled job I thought might make a decent living since its only common sense that you might want to pay your employee’s a living wage when they are literally…..  you know…. counting your fucking money!  Hell I think even casino operators and the mafia figured this out years ago.  But I suppose in this day and age commons sense has little use for our corporate overlords whining that 100 million is not enough for them to survive.  In any case I bring this up because of one Drake Parks of Van Buren, Arkansas.  Now upon a recent bank visit he became so enamored with one teller he found it wise to call her up posing as his father (he is 50 by the way) to demand that she spank him for being a bad boy.   Now if tellers were making what I thought they made,  well one can put up with alot of shit for a good paying job.  But seriously at minimum wage is way to little to deal with this kind of crap.  So PSA tonight,  please refrain from asking any minimum wage worker to spank you.  Even if you are from Arkansas.  Now off to the Spanking updates of the week!

The nice thing about owning a spanking site is of course you can reserve the right to spank just about any girl that comes though the doors.  Judging from the ear to ear grin that our famed Cameraman has.  Your Humble Narrator suspects that this is the case with young Gigi Allens who incidently felt the wrath of her fathers hand growing up.  Thankfully she feels the wrath of our Camera man’s hand when she is an adult.  From Spanked Sweeties or the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass


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Its nice to see our Able Amsterdam Authoritarian has made a full recovery even though he had to raise prices on Spanked in Uniform.  But being a fair man he did lower the recurring billing to reward his loyal customers (like me).  Personally I think its a fair trade off.  Plus we get to see him spank naked girls for oversleeping until they cry! 
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Yes we all know that spanking should ideally be on the bare bottom.  We also know that a girl as petite as Kiki should be turned over the knee for hers.  But as we also know Mr M has this thing for recreating school swats which compared to many of the paddling's I have seen are by far the hottest.  So is it really a crime in the spanking community to bend a hot little number over in tight jeans and applying the wooden paddle to the seat of her pants?  From Real Spanking or the better valued 8 site Real Spanking Pass.
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You know Dear Reader,  I really don’t keep it a secret among my friends of what I do.  Including professional contacts.  In fact I insist on telling them so they can understand what they are getting into when hiring me.  Luckily my particular career and reputation it has never hurt me other than looks of admiration.   I was having a discussion with one co-worker who spent more than a bit of time working and living in Japan and we were discussing the strange and Odd kinks that that are particular to that part of the world.  We concluded that it was due to the Japanese very ridged social system which I think I have mentioned before that I suspect.  Oddly spanking is relatively tame when it comes to weird kinks in Japan.  From Handspanking
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Fred Phelps Spanking

Well Dear Reader,  Today Fred Phelps finally found out once and for all if God really does in fact hate fags.  I will not assume that he was wrong since well,  I am a mere mortal.  However I would find it strange if I were the Almighty if the first thing a freshly deceased soul asked me  “Do you really hate fags?”.  Now Your Humble Narrator is far from omnipotent but even I know there are far more interesting questions to ask an supreme being.  Things like “are we really supposed to spank women”, “If so why did you leave it out of the bible?” and where the hell did flight 370 go?

Some say we should indeed picket his funeral as he did so many others who didn’t deserve his hate.  I say don’t bother,  Do not stoop down to his level.  Besides who wants to be shouting at a bunch of Kansas inbreeds when we can be watching girls getting spanked on the spanking Updates of the week.

The garbage strewn hills of New Jersey are once again ringing with the joyous cries of “BAAAAD GIURL”  as our mystery spanker once again takes the front seat.  Now while he is indeed my friend,  the one thing that always troubled me is the fact he rarely spanked girls from Jersey,  which if you have ever watched Jersey shore are perhaps the most deserving girls to have their bottom bared.  Well today after all these years,  he corrects this with the debut of Holly.  Now I cannot say for sure she is actually from the Garbage State,  but from her guttural accent I can tell she is either from Jersey or Staten Island which is kind of like a NY Jersey as they have a really big garbage dump there as well.  In any case,  As one would expect she doesn’t take to kindly to getting a bare ass beating and it is quite entertaining.  From Bun Beating Fun.
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So a new video went viral of a guy belting his 13 year old daughter.  Now typically I wouldn’t condone such behavior.  But considering she disappeared for 3 days and returned looking like a street walker.  One might,  just might,  feel that the gentleman and his wife are a little concerned their daughter might end up in jail which is infinitely worse than a belt to the buttocks.  Now did they handle this correctly?  Probably not,  But simply ask Fae Corbin what happens in the deep dark recesses of prison and she will tell you its probably less painful than the prison guards.  From Bars And Stripes
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Now before My friend Cake Boy came over here he asked me about the US since if you listen to foreign media we all carry guns and eat bacon almost exclusively.  Which,  now to come to think of it is kinda true.  None the less he has found his true love in the form of Sarah Gregory.  She will slowly feed him bacon until which time I will purchase him a gun (well maybe a airsoft gun,  to keep him from shooting his eye out).  From Triple A Spanking
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Finally for today we have our friends at Sound Punishment spanking a ginger which we all know need to be spanked (or kicked). 
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Gigi Allen and Ela Darling Gets Their First Spanking and Literary types suck

Few things Dear Reader irritate me more than the Literary types.  They are kind of like anyone who is enthusiastic about modern “art”.  They can blather about imagery, symbolism or prose.  Why for example does there have to be some deep existential meaning to Holden Caulfield instead of just being a whiny little entitled shit with a stupid name that probably could have used a couple of good hard ass beatings?  Why was Hester Prinn anything thing but a slut?  This is of course due to those “Literary experts” or the more prevalent, useless profession in the world,  English Teachers.  All of which are almost exclusively failed writers due to the fact that that the only way to get people to listen to their drivel is to force them into a classroom.  I mention this Dear Reader, since while listening to NPR (My first mistake) I was subjected to a “book review” from one Allen Cheuse about a book called Falling out of time written by Israeli writer David Grossman. 

This reviewer calls it a dramatic meditation on grief reminiscent of Our Town.  What in the fuck does that mean?  The last time I was forced to watch that play it was a bunch of dumbasses in Grover's Corners who couldn’t figure out how to keep young healthy people dying of pneumonia despite penicillin being widely available for almost 20 years.  In any case,  this moron goes on to tell us the book is about a bunch of people who decide to go take a walk with a grief stricken centaur who has a learning disability.   He then mentions “bubbling cauldron of speech”  and “the death is not dead”  along with other literary garbage that gives one the impression the book was written by a manic depressive Goth on LSD. 

In any case,  I felt the need to share Dear Reader,  so enough with my annoyances with my fellow Champaign liberals.  Off to the spanking updates of the week!

In my senior year in High School my good friend who decided studying English in college would be a good idea (He is now a librarian) decided to take AP English.  Where, while rest of us were drinking, fraternizing and engaging in general debauchery.  He was rigorously engaged in analyzing the  works of James Joyce’s Ulysses which if you have ever attempted to read is a mish mash of stream of consciousness garbage.  Something (as I learned) would get you a big fat F if you ever attempted to mimic to an English teacher, mainly because English teachers don’t particularly like anything that makes little if no sense unless some other literary idiot tells them they should like it.  In any case,  he didn’t particularly enjoy his senior year while the rest of us did.  In fact I actually spanked my first girl that year.  Of course it was rather awkward,  and nothing like our returning queen of spanking, Clare Fonda dishes out on newcomer’s Gigi Allen’s very nice bare bottom.  From Spanked Sweeties or the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass.  
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Now proving that I am old fuddy duddy I was around to see the outbreak of AIDS or in my time called GRID before anyone knew anything about it.  Your Humble Narrator remembers the panic when good old Ronnie the Alzheimer patient who was our president at the time refusing to acknowledge it because conservative crazies thought the only people who got it were gays and dead gay people were a good thing.  Nowadays HIV is a manageable disease,  but I can assure you that few if anyone would want to get it.  I mention this because our next first time spanking guest is none other than the gorgeous Ela Darling, who among other things is against mandating condoms for porn shoots in California.  Now I am not sure about you,  but when it comes to non kinky porn like we enjoy,  somehow seeing someone exchange bodily fluids really does not trump the health of the performer.  Particularly when you take into account what they call crossovers.  Men who are actually gay, or gay for pay which in my understanding are not tested.  Perhaps Ela Darling really does need a spanking.  From Good Spanking
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Now you might be thinking Dear Reader I am putting the hate on English Teachers.  And for the record I am.  You might also, being the astute observers that you are, that the culmination of misspellings, run on sentences and generally lack of any sense of grammar might just be the reason for such things.  You might actually be right!  No the issue I have,  particularly with high school education (or whatever form you guys use in the UK) is that it is really the only class where the teacher’s interpretation of your interpretation is the deciding factor of your grade.  Math for example,  is math.  The answer is either right or wrong.  History,  for the most part is the same thing.  English however needs none of that!  We all know girl learn when they are given concrete instructions and the consequences of violating such instructions.  Like young Candace here on Punished Brats
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Finally for tonight Dear Reader,  We have always been told the Japanese if anything are obedient.  Somehow or another it appears when females are faced with a spanking they fight like hell.  Well perhaps like many girls they don’t want to get spanked.  From Handspanking. 
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Women’s History Month Spanking

So I was informed today that March is “Women’s History Month” as opposed to last month which was Black History Month.  I would really like to know who comes up with these things.  Not that I am opposed to it mind you but reserving an entire month to dedicate to the history of  one group or another seems a bit over the top.  I mean its history right?  If you did something notable they are gonna mention you no matter what.  I don't recall any particular time of the year being appropriate to learning about Harriett Beecher Stowe,  Susan B Anthony, Rosa Parks, MLK, Harriet Tubman or even Sarah Breedlove  (first self made millionaire of color).  They just did notable things in history.  If you are female and black do you get to be celebrated in February AND March or do you have to pick one?  What month is fat bald white guy month?.  If a Woman has her time of the month during Women’s History Month do we have to have a party or something?.  I mean if you are going to keep making shit up there has to be some rules for heaven sakes!

I don’t want to even think where we put transgendered!  But I suppose Dear Reader, to be politically correct we might as well celebrate with the rest of my fellow liberals.  So to the women of history, who have nagged men,  been responsible for prohibition, crashed our cars and have the inexplicable ability to ignore every idiot light on the dashboard.  My hat off to you and we shall be celebrating it with what men have been practicing for eons to keep you from doing the above things.  With a good hard Spanking. 

Now what do we have here Dear Reader,  quite interesting I might say.  Dear Reader meet Mia Vallis who is quite new to spanking.  A bit tall for my tastes but she does have that Chloe Sevigny thing going on and incidentally I find quite hot. In any case not quite a porn star but she has done some solo/machine type of BDSM.  Personally I like her hot little bottom getting smacked!  From My Spanking Roommate or the better valued 5 site Clare Fonda Pass

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So in addition to celebrating all the contributions that Women have made to our present society Katie Perry has threatened to spank Miley Cyrus since she apparently slipped her the tongue during some concert.  Something I find disturbingly hot.  Though in fairness Your humble Narrator would find it hotter if they both slipped him the tongue and got to spank both of them.  But one can dream right?  But dreaming is one thing,  acting on it is a completely another.  As our Able Amsterdam Authoritarian shows us with naughty little schoolgirl Julie getting an OTK Spanking.  From Real Life Spanking
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The nice thing about spanking is that there are so many ways to do it one does not necessarily need the cooperation of the female getting spanked.  This is good since most females object to spanking no matter how good it might do them.  One of the tried and true methods of spanking an uncooperative girl is the diaper position since most of her leverage is now removed.  In addition if they have drop seat pajama’s (which all females should be wearing at bedtime) one doesn’t even need to pull down her pants.  Though I would suggest to my friend David Pierson he needs to center the opening a little better before he executes his painful punishment.  From Punished Brats
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Finally for tonight Dear Reader,  let us talk about Common Core.  For those not in the US,  Common Core is the suggestion that perhaps,  just perhaps, we might want to standardized our education in this country so there might not be an overabundance of stupid people coming out of the South.  Being that it is the US this is somehow controversial both by our conservative crazies who’s objection is about communism, alien control and whatever outlandish thing they can think of and the teacher unions who seem to think that attempting to quantify how well a person in their job is doing by evaluating the final product is somehow bad despite everyone else in this country being judged on the same standards.  Well if you think US teachers have it bad we only need to look toward Japan where the teachers get spanked by their students.  From Handspanking.
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