The Spanking Spot

Name: Brooke Ellen Bollea

DOB: May 5, 1988

Occupation: Bad Singer, Political commentator, Hot Transvestite

Home town: Tampa, FL

As you might have figured out Dear Reader I have a particular disdain for people who think they deserve to be famous simply because one of their parents were.  Don’t get me wrong Dear Reader,  If you have rich and famous parents please by all means use their influence to help you launch your career,  but actually DO something!  As much as I hate to say it.  The perfect example are the Bush Twins.  While their mentally deficient father is busy screwing up the world on his father’s coattails these girls actually have used their place in society to actually do something useful.  And while it might be prudent to sterilize them so that no Bush ever walks the earth again.  I must say that Laura,  despite her taste in halfwits.  Has actually done a decent job in deflecting the  lack of morals the Bush family is famous for. 

Our Next Guest on Women Who Desperately Need a Spanking has had no such opportunity to break free from the moronic lives of one or more of her parents.  But rather fade into the background and be content with being rather anonymous seems to be laboring under the impression that we actually give a shit what she and her Z list status has to say about the world. 

Brooke Ellen Bolla better known as Brooke Hogan was born May 5th 1988 to Terry and Lynda Bollea better  known as Hulk and Lynda Hogan.  1988 for those of you not familiar with wrestling history was the start of the golden years of Hulkamania that swept popular culture throughout the late 80’s and early 90’s.  Needless to say that while Brooke’s upbringing was strict it was quite privileged.

Lets fast forward the fine year of 2002.  By some miracle a record label thought it be wise to sign this 6 foot monstrous spawn of the Hulk to a singing contract despite the fact that she could not sing for her life.  That of course Dear Reader is not our impressionable guest’s fault for being deluded into thinking she has some talent. 

Ah but times change.  VH1 continued the delusion much like MTV did Ozzie Osborne’s unfortunate offspring by casting her in a reality series with the rest of her dysfunctional family.  The show, much to a testament to our mindless pop culture ran for 3 years waiting the time of anyone unfortunate to watch it. 

But Dear Reader the Fame imprint was indeed imprinted on our Tranny Trollup’s brain feeling that in spite of reality she should be famous and indeed the masses were interested in what she had to say.  Now fortunes have changed for the Hogan family in the past couple of years and quite honestly I hate to kick a really large girl when she is down (in fear that she might kick back).  But our Dear Brook’s ranting’s has simply made it apparent how entitled this child thinks she is. 

Starting out with her younger brothers conviction for reckless driving regarding an accident that left his best friend more or less a vegetable. She decided quite on her own her precious brother was driving quite under the speed limit and "hydroplaned".  As her ignorance in reality dictates the fact was her brother was driving in excess of 100 miles an hour in a 40 mile an hour zone while racing one of his friend.  But as our illogical justice system decided a fair punishment for almost killing ones friend is 8 months in a Juvenile facility our Dear Brook cast her beloved brother as "the victim"

Her Brother’s incarceration has thrown poor Brook’s tiny mind for a loop, for since then she has gone from a simply annoying no talent singer to a Political commentator.  First she stated that a women should not be president due to her moodiness during PMS.  And while she definitely has a point in Your Humble Narrator’s opinion but I highly doubt that any future female president will push the button due to cramps (well maybe really bad ones). 

But it gets better Dear Reader,  While you might have heard,  our presumptive Republican presidential Nominee cast his opponent in the likes of one Paris Hilton (another one who has earned the Need of a Spanking Honor).  Ms Hilton surprisingly responded with a well thought out,  logical and quite plausible rebuttal on energy policy that someone else undoubtedly wrote for her.  But regardless of the source it was quite good and probably the only useful thing that girl has ever done. 

This of course some how irritated our famous wannabe trashing our Ms Hilton stating while she herself had no idea what was going on in the world neither did Ms Hilton.  Thus anyone as dumb as these two should not vote!  A sentiment I wish my breather in the south would follow but silly none the less. 

Meanwhile she continues to drivel on by showing "support" for her brother by posing with 2 black eyes in a staged mug shot.  Which makes one begin to wonder does she really love her lead foot brother or is she just using this as a stunt to graduate to the D list?  One must wonder.

Offences: Singing like a rabid Cat, Gender Confusion, Stupidity

Suggested Implement: Anything Large and wooden

Suggested Spanker: Anyone brave enough to try to get this Amazon over his Knee.  Dallas you up for this?

Suggested Position: OTK

Suggested Punishment: One stroke for every time she punches you in the face while trying to get her over your knee

Corrective Action: Become Man, Join WWF,  Beat Rowdy Roddie Piper

Brushstrokes

Name: Stephanie Woods

Age: 18

Profession: Model wannabe, Waste of Life, Skank,  Anti-Girl Scout

Hometown: Palm Beach Ca

I am not sure if I have ever told you this before Dear Reader but I was once a Boy Scout.  You see my mother in her valiant yet unsuccessful attempt to teach a young and slightly wild Brushstrokes "Values" and make Yours truly into a good little Republican decided one day that she would like her only son to join such a wholesome activity such as the Boy Scouts of America.  Now Dear Reader if you have read my blog for any length of time you will have no doubt noticed that Yours Truly has nothing less then total disdain for any type of authority.   Needless to say my forced entry into the Boy Scouts was somewhat tumultuous.  But my Dear Mother being ever so persistent drove me to every meeting and made sure I went on every camping trip although even at

the tender age of 11 I questioned why grown men would choose to spend their weekends with ridiculously dressed young boys prancing though the woods and practicing tying each other up with rather extravagant knots not known to anyone other than a 18th century sailor. 

After 18 months I had proudly earned exactly zero merit badges and took glee in my refusal to tie even one knot, pitch a tent or even learn their oath.  I finally got Yours Truly kicked out by suggesting to the Scout Master he engage in some personal copulation with his inner self when he wanted me to do "exercises" to "Punish" me for attempting to leave a camping trip and get my ass back to civilization.  Oddly enough my loathing toward all things Boy Scout related never really translated to the Girl Scouts.  I always thought they were generally an innocuous bunch good for little more then their delicious cookies and a fantasy or two about spanking them in their uniforms.  So Dear Reader I find nothing more offensive then the actions of our next guest on Women Who Desperately Need A Spanking. 

Our blonde hair floozy came to our attention in February of this year.  Then 17, she and her friend stole $165 from a 10 year old Girl Scout going around collecting her cookie money.  Now her fellow floozy is in just as much need for a ass beating then Ms Woods (No relation to Leia of course).  However she was charged as a Juvenile and her name has been withheld. 

Stealing from a 10 year old is bad enough.  Enough for any self respecting person to hold their head in shame.  But when approached by the local press for her misdeeds she and her accomplice amazingly bragged about their deed!  Stating they took the little girls money simply because they wanted it and "who doesn’t like money?" and then goes on to lament the fact that she actually had to return the cash to the little girl! 

Now after viewing the accompanying video I think Dear Reader I think you will come to realize like I did that other then being over indulged brats these girls more then likely are psychopaths in which case a red bottom would indeed do little good towards their behavior.  However there are times where you spank to correct your naughty brat and there are times when you spank simply because it would be quite satisfying to see the little bitch squirm, kick and cry while you give her a spanking even a psychopath would never forget.  This indeed is one of those times Dear Reader.

Ah but the story does not end there Dear Reader.  Now you would expect perhaps that even the dumbest of criminals would try to keep their nose clean when charges are pending against them.  But considering our Cash Obsessed Twit bragged on television to her exploits you could assume that this girl isn’t exactly a rocket Scientist.  So I guess it was simply logical to her to skip out on a bill at Denny’s a few months later prompting yet another outrage that this little bitch was still not in a nice comfy cell. 

Ah but there was hope Dear Reader!  Finally she was sentenced to incarceration in an Juvenile detention center pending an opening in a secure rehab.  Insanely however our little cookie monster is today free since the court of appeals overturned that verdict and allowed our precious snowflake to go home until they can find a place for her.  Unbelievable!

Offences: There are just way to many to list

Suggested Implement: Switch

Suggested Spanker: Eagle Scout

Suggested Position: Tied to a pole (Hey the scouts can use their knots!)

Suggested Punishment: 12 Strokes of the Switch then force fed a box of Girl Scout Cookies.  Repeat as necessary

Corrective Action: Get out of Rehab, Make Porn since she loves money so much.

Brushstrokes

Name: Amy Jade Winehouse

DOB: September 14, 1983

Occupation: Singer, Songwriter, Crackwhore, attempting to become the skankiest women on planet,  Beehive lover

Hometown: Soulgate, Great Britain

If for whatever reason you become fabulously rich and famous one day Dear Reader.  What would you do to with your new found fame and fortune? New Cars, A list parties, giant mansions?  No Of course not!   The most logical thing is to go out and become  a painfully skinny crack addict and marry a criminal who enables your habit!  In this sense our next guest on The Spanking Spot’s: Women who desperately need a spanking is quite the success!  What is one to do of course with raw musical talent,  A Grammy or two and a boatload of money anyway. 

I speak of course of the very talented singer songwriter Amy Winehouse.  She broke on the national stage in October 2003 winning the following year the prestigious BRIT Award and a number of smaller honors that Your Humble Narrator has honestly never heard of.  Now Your Humble Narrator is no huge fan of hers,  but one must recognize talent when one sees it even though the music is not to one’s liking and in that respect Dear Reader I think you will agree with me it is sad that such talent is to go to waste. 

Now,  The one thing I have always wondered about people who are addicted to crack is what in the name of God, would poses you to smoke such a thing in the first place!  Addictive effects aside it is one of the most foul smelling things I thing Your Truly has ever had the displeasure to waft!  Yes Dear Reader,  years ago in a club I made the mistake to go into the bathroom.  Immediately an unnatural smell hit me.  being slightly naive I had to ask  my friend what the hell was that smell to which he replies "dude don’t you know?  its Crack!"  For those of you who may have never had the displeasure of smelling such a thing,  It is a cross between one of those cheap plastic telephones aflame with just a hint of dead animal to make the flavor more interesting. 

Looking at a telephone Dear Reader,  the first thing to come to mind is not to try to smoke it.  Yet somehow, somewhere, someone decided to shrink it and put it into a pipe,  and strange people the world over said COOL!  We can get high!.  Interestingly there are other less damaging and much more natural ways to accomplish the same thing.  But such a fact was lost on Amy after her meteoric climb to fame. 

But Ms Winehouse’s drive toward self destruction did not end there.  Once an nice semi-attractive Jewish girl (as seen from her picture in the title, but lets face it she was never "beautiful), With wonderful dark eyes and a soul discovering stare,  she has managed to transform herself into a somewhat less attractive female than some of the hookers I Have seen in Hunts Point!  This indeed is a feat Dear Reader. 

Doing a very short stint in rehab did nothing for poor Amy.   Continuing her downward spiral as Crack tends to do to ones self she now looks as if she has more STD’s then Paris Hilton. 

Why she Needs a Spanking
Well Dear Reader I think the reason is obvious.  Failing rehab and generally making a spectacle out of herself I think its time to take matters on the next level.  Now while I have never been addicted to "hard Drugs" Your Humble Narrator is indeed a nicotine fanatic.  In the past I have managed to quit for long periods of time.  But I felt it would be so much easer if one could add a little negative reinforcement in addition to the usual treatment to get us addicts though the "joneses".  And that Dear Reader is where spanking comes in. 

Think for a minute if one was guaranteed to get a incredibly painful spanking when they jumped off the wagon I think it would be quite effective in helping one kick the habit.  Now obviously Crack has considerably more painful withdrawal symptoms then nicotine so perhaps a cane or a paddle is called for rather then just a hard hand OTK. 

So Dear Reader In light of this I am now raising funds for Brushstrokes Rehab Center where I will hire the hardest spankers from all over the world and buy all the furniture from Karl at Spanking Server.  You go to our facility, we get you clean,  then we offer a lifetime of spankings should you fail any of our weekly drug tests.  That Dear Reader is incentive. 

Offences: Stupidity, Addiction, Throwing away Talent
Suggested Position: Bent over a Law enforcement Desk
Suggested Implement: Paddle or cane
Suggested Spanker: Anyone who would dare
Suggested Punishment: Spanked until crying every time a drug test is failed
Corrective Behavior:  Get clean,  use talent, eat sandwich

Brushstrokes

  Name: Hillary Rodham Clinton

  DOB: October 26 1947

  Profession: United States Senator, Former first Lady, Presidential Candidate, Psycho ex-girlfriend of the Democratic Party, Sore loser

  Hometown: Chicago, IL

You know Dear Reader,  despite the frequency I spout my liberal ideology on this blog.  I don’t much care if Hillary or Obama gets the Democratic nomination.  I figure we could elect an orangutan with Down Syndrome and it could do better then the idiot who  "leads" this country now.  In fact I would go as far as saying anyone who would want to be president after the mess that George W has created is either a masochist or a complete idiot.  Two wars, an entire American city destroyed, Housing Bubble, recession, and $4 a gallon gas,  (yes I know this is a bargain to my readers in Europe).   Luckily for us, Dubya has also single-handedly destroyed the Republican Party and the Christian right since the American public has finally realized what a bad idea it is to elect someone who thinks the world is 6000 years old,  wants to "defend" marriage and keep dead people alive against the wishes of their family. 

But Dear Reader sometimes you just have to know when you have been bested and its time hang up your hat for the good of everyone else.  Unfortunately this idea is foreign to our next guest on The Spanking Spot’s Women who Desperately needs a spanking.  Hillary Rodham Clinton. 

Born to a well off family in suburban Chicago,  and attending Wellesley College and finally Yale Law school,  Hillary was hard working but privileged.  In fact only in America does a Black man raised by a single mother have to defend himself from being elitist by a former first lady who earned 100 million in the last 8 years and the son of an admiral married to the heir to a $300 million a year business.  But I digress. 

Now unless you have been living in a cave someplace for the last couple of decades.  Hillary’s rise to power is a well known story.  First Lady of Arkansas, First lady of the United States and eventually ran and won for the senate seat from NY.  During her reign as First lady she tried to ram "Universal Health Care" down American’s throats and got quite a spanking for it.  But other then that she really didn’t do much to deserve a true spanking Dear Reader.

Lets fast forward to 2008.  In one of the biggest political blunders in history she allowed a young charismatic junior senator managed to out maneuver her and her high powered campaign in the political primaries.  While dumb,  not necessarily a grounds for spanking.  No Dear Reader it is much more then that. 

Possibly deluded into thinking it is "her turn" Hillary like anyone’s Psycho Ex Girlfriend she simply refused to go away and as she got more desperate her lies and fuzzy math assertions could only be loved by the president we so desperately want to replace.  Take for example Dear Reader her recounting of the story about dodging bullets in Bosnia.  While quite false she clamed she "mis-spoke" and that was her recollection of the event.  I am not sure about you Dear Reader but If I were shot at I am relatively sure that I would remember the incident with clarity.  Perhaps not every detail but I sure the hell would know the difference between being shot at and not. 

As for her arguments for why these "super-delegates" should overturn the will of the people she makes ridiculous and more bizarre claims.  First it was the states her opponent won in didn’t count because they were mostly black people.  Then despite signing off on the rules before the primary began, insisting she be credited for winning Michigan and Florida.  Then insisting she has won the popular vote,  IF you include the two states that didn’t count and not include a few states with caucuses.  Now Finally we are at, "White people in Kentucky are so stupid they would never vote for a Black Man over a old crazy white guy!".  Now this may be true Dear Reader, but the point of the matter is that we are faced with 8 of the most disastrous years in recent history.  There is a very good chance that America’s love affair with the crazy bible thumpers is at an end and the crony’s of Big Business may finally relinquish the leadership of one of the most powerful countries on earth.  She instead  is holding up the nomination because her self centered brain refuses to acknowledged that she lost.  No Dear Reader this is not right. 

Offences: Lying,  Attempting to cheat, bad pantsuits, being self centered.

Suggested Implement:  Wooden Spoon because women should stay in the kitchen (just kidding ladies)

Suggested position: touch your toes,  preferably in the kitchen

Suggested Punishment: One Spank for every stupid white person who wouldn’t vote for a black man

Suggested Spanker: Dick Cheney (only because I would imagine it would be unpleasant)

Corrective Behavior: Shuddup,  Sit down, Deal with the fact you lost.  Now introduce a bill declaring New York the center of the world

Name: Aliza Shvarts

Age: 21 (I think)

Profession: Art Student, Yale University, "Performance Artist",  Nitwit,

Hometown: Los Angeles, Ca  (I think)

While I enjoy beautiful things Dear Reader,  Usually I tend to dislike the people who create them.  Its not that I hate Artists per se,  but more the silly holier then thou "I am a Artist" attitude that seems to pervade the art world.  I know this Dear Reader because some of my closest friends went to some pretty heavy duty art schools that in retrospect the over priced tuition would have better spent ripping up 40k and flushing it down the toilet for all it prepared them for life outside the "art" world.  Now while I make a generalization here there are some quite good art and artists around however our next guest on Women who desperately need a spanking is indeed not one of them. 

Probably the lowest form of "Artist" Dear reader is the "performance artist" which every time I hear can only think of the movie Suburbia, but I digress.  These special type of "Artists" Do not create anything.  They "perform" their "art" which usually is little more then ranting and raving about some nonsense in order to feel self important.  Now to further the stupidity is when you mix a "Performance Artist" and a "radical feminist". 

Now Ladies please don’t bombard Your Humble Narrator with hate mail.  It is not that I want to return to some stone age where the selection of a female was a whack over the head with a club and drag them away by their hair.  I am indeed a full supporter of Woman’s rights.  However the "Feminists" as they call themselves seem to simply hate being female.  Which I think you would agree is rather silly. 

Now you might not recognize the name Aliza Shvarts,  but I think you might have read about her in the news.  Ms Shvarts recently got her 15 minutes of fame by way of her Senior year "Art Project" at Yale University which (she claims) inseminating herself as often as possible then taking "herbal remedies" to induce a miscarriage.  This piece of "performance art" was meant as she says to "spark conversation and debate on the relationship between art and the human body".  Personally Dear Reader I think it is a relationship between a idiot and her dislike for not having a penis.  But don’t take that from me,  see what she wrote.

Just as it is a myth that women are .meant. to be feminine and men masculine, that penises and vaginas are .meant. for penetrative heterosexual sex (or that mouths, anuses, breasts, feet or leather, silicone, vinyl, rubber, or metal implements are not .meant. for sex at all), it is a myth that ovaries and a uterus are .meant. to birth a child. When considering my own bodily form, I recognize its potential as extending beyond its ability to participate in a normative function. While my organs are capable of engaging with the narrative of reproduction . the time-based linkage of discrete events from conception to birth . the realm of capability extends beyond the bounds of that specific narrative chain. These organs can do other things, can have other purposes, and it is the prerogative of every individual to acknowledge and explore this wide realm of capability.

These organs can do other things?  Perhaps she wishes her ovaries could drive.  Or her uterus to have a successful career as a chef.  I am sorry Dear Readers,  but when it comes to biological function things are more or less cut and dry.  Eyes function are to see.  ears to hear.  and various female sex organs,  well they make babies.  Plus they are pretty good at it.  Why try to force them into a function they dislike. 

Such nonsense could only be held by a "performance artist",  one that has yet to graduate.  Furthermore when espousing such nonsense it helps to be a over indulgent brat. You see our Abortion Aliza’s daddy not only footing the bill for a useless degree in Yale apparently also footed the bill for her very exclusive education at the Buckley School in Los Angeles which runs just a tad under $30,000 per year. 

Now as a followup Yale now claims the whole thing was a Hoax,  which I indeed hope is true due to the rather useless and offensive nature of her actions.  Now once again,  Ladies,  what you do with your body is your business.  And quite honestly I like annoying the Christian right just as much as the next guy.  but doing something like this for "Art" is just stupid

Offences: Stupidity, being annoying, hating a innocent uterus

Suggested Implement: Hand

Suggested Spanker: Any male

Suggested Position: OTK

Suggested Punishment: One Hour Bare bottom Spanking in front of Feminist Friends by a MAN!  (hey its performance art, were trying to spark debate on the relationship between a man’s hand smacking a bare ass)

Corrective Action: make up with uterus, graduate with useless degree, get pregnant, have baby. 

Brushstrokes