Where hath Brushstrokes Gone?

Dear Friends, I must apologize. Those of you who read my little column regularly might notice that I do much of my writing on the weekends. This of course is due to the fact I have three kids and no life. But this is irrelevant! A couple of years ago I got the bright idea of buying an old beatup house with lots of land on the water and I was going to renovate the hell out of it. This my friends is will be my downfall. Being a rather odd house I have an office which is a loft over looking the dining room. Of course none of this was finished since the previous owner seemed to me, to be slightly dull (though he indeed could be a spanker. He is the spitting image of the Brawny Man). Regardless, there were these floors which matched none of the house, which I have stressing over since we moved in.

So Dear Readers, Yours truly sadly had to dis-assemble everything in his office and spent the weekend sanding and staining floors. But now, I have a nice deep dark floor in my office to massage my creativity and bring you the best damn Spanking Spot on the Internet.

Now, I have barely managed to assemble my computer so my friends I might be behind for a couple of days. So do indeed bear with me.

As A parting gift I will teach you how to combine Spanking with Home renovation. Think of it has Home Decoration TV for the perverse.

1) Pick impossible project to be completed in 48 hours when professionals will take a week.
2) Stress about it for at least a month
3) Have significant other bitch about it for another month. Administer Spanking. Stress for another month
4) Take Friday off just in case your impossible project runs over
5) If you are DIY unabled like yours truly, find information on the Internet about said impossible project.
6) On the Day of, Rent incredibly heavy machinery with no idea how to use it. Get hernia getting into the house.
7) Read 7 times photocopy of instructions. Turn on said machinery destroy something.
Listen to significant other bitch, Administer another spanking. Kick machine.
9) Do impossible Task with Incredibly Heavy machinery while significant other is standing there yelling “YOUR DOING IT WRONG”.
10) Vow to correct that Significant other after you have figured out how to remove Paint/Stain/glue/Nail from various places of your body
11) Have almost finished project ruined by having cat walk accross wet Paint/Stain/Glue
12) Kill Cat
13) Finish project, bury Cat
14) Finally decide to deal with your significant other. and STORM into the bedroom shouting, YOUR GONNA GET IT!
15) realize you can’t raise your arm above your waistline, Listen to brat’s taunting. Pass out

Filed Under (Uncategorized) by Brushstrokes on 13-03-2007

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1 Comment posted on "Where hath Brushstrokes Gone?"

Lovely Autumn Colour on March 13th, 2007 at 7:05 am #

Realize you can’t raise your arm, and for several day afterwards the pain and stiffness deepens… but then one day its gone, and the magnitude of the task acomplished becomes apparent and the unsuspecting spankee sees the glint in the eye, just a second to late to avoid the haul ass arm, and is up ended in the time honoured fashion, reflected in the shiny new floor.

For every down there is and up (eventually).

I used to love DIY.