Name: Katherine Ann (Katie) Couric
Profession: Annoyingly Perky Television host, Failing News Anchor, America's Cheerleader.
Us American's do alot of things well. We make money like no other nation, We are industrious, entrepreneurial. We are pretty good in a pinch and fight wars well (unless they are run by morons). We steal elections better then most and no one can touch us when it comes to self absorption.
The one thing we have lost over the years and possibly the most important to do well in our form of government is to report accurate important news to the citizens of this fine nation. You see Dear Reader, in a turn of events that surprisingly is not GWB's fault. In 1996 our favorite fellatio loving president signed into law the "Telecommunications Act" revamping the rules and setting the stage for today's media mega-corporations. Prior to this disastrous bill media companies were banned from owning more then a few stations in or accross various markets. This meant no matter how biased a owner or station was it was guaranteed that important stories would not be buried since it was inevitable one of their competitors would pick the story up.
Obviously today things are much different with much of the news we watch is in the hands of maybe a dozen individuals. Gone are the days of hard hitting journalism such as Watergate or Walter Cronkite informing the American people that the war in Vietnam was unwinnable. Today Dear Readers our news is wall to wall coverage of Anna Nicole Smith and Paris Hilton's incarceration.
Our next Guest on Woman who Desperately need a Spanking is of course innocent of causing our present day media mess. But my friends she is the embodiment of the problem. Dear Readers Please Welcome Katie Couric.
Why she needs a Spanking
Dubbed "America's Cheerleader" our Miss Perky Pointy Tits came to most of us 15 years ago as the host of "The Today Show". Half Useless Drivel, Half Celebrity trash, this was far from a News Show. Unfortunately for us the media executives based her ability on ratings she received from the millions of middle America housewives interested in the latest she fashions and not her ability to actually to determine and report news.
The truly aggravating thing is, obviously there is some novelty in the fact she is the first woman news anchor for the network evening news. And I would never suggest Dear Reader that a woman could not fill that role. But with so many good female journalist like Christine Amanpour, Jane Pauley even Elizabeth Vargas. Did Big media have to pick the ultimate pom pom girl?
Ah but we should have known Dear Reader after her first "News" broadcast when she spent 17 of the 20 minutes of the broadcast showing viewers her shiny new diggs. Or the incident not to long ago where she objected to saying the word "sputum" in regards to the TB scare. This my friends is akin to reporting on a story about blood donations and refusing to use the word "Blood".
Ah but it does not stop there. I think even Ms Couric is having second thoughts about her new job. How shocking must it be not to be able to report on how stylish Vladimir Putin is or discuss the finer points makeup with the heads of state. Her attention to detail is astounding. How can we forget the story she "broke" that Barack Obama was educated in a radical madrasa. (He attended public school in Jakarta, Indonesia when he was 9-11 years of age). Of course we also remember her blatant plagiarized piece about declining use of libraries.
Luckily for the people of the US. Katie I think will be going back to her life as a meaningless celebrity. Her ratings are in the toilet, she has less credibility than Fox News and critics are having a field day with her news coverage.
Offences: Stupidity, arrogance, being annoyingly perky
Suggested Position: Over that stupid News desk she so loves
Suggested Implement: Journalism 101 Book
Suggested Punishment: 1 swat for every day she has been Anchor
Suggested Spanker: Walter Cronkite
Corrective action: Stop doing real news, start own talk show, say the word Sputum after each swat.