Name: Amanda Laura Bynes
Profession: Demolition Car Driver, Obama Tweeter
Hometown: Thousand Oaks, CA
Aside from their stupidity it never ceases to amaze me that with all of their money and entourages that our celebrities seem to insist on driving themselves around after a night of drinking. I mean come on people, don’t you have limo’s in California?
This of course brings us to the latest celebrity to grace the pages of Women who Desperately Need a Spanking Dear Reader. Born Amanda Laura Bynes in Sunny California, Amanda at a young age showed talent for comedy. At the tender age of 8 she made her debut on the beloved children's network Nickelodeon she soon became quite popular with her brand of slapstick comedy modeled after the great Lucy Ball, earning herself her own show at 13.
Now being a young father at the time I must admit hers was my favorite of children's shows. It was a hell of alot more entertaining than some bizarre furries with televisions embedded in their chests. Plus unlike most of the manufactured pop princess of the time she actually grew up with a seemingly head on her shoulders graduating with straight A’s and managing not to shave her head and attack photographers. Plus she is not too bad on the eyes either!
So what befell this young lady to deserve to grace these great pages? Well Dear Reader while she might be a talented actress it has come apparent that she is a horrid driver in the best of circumstances and throw some nectar of the gods in there and she is a one girl wrecking machine.
Her troubles began some months ago when she was pulled over for texting and driving. A foolish thing to do and in and of itself deserves a good hard spanking. But alas it seems that no one was around to put the starlet over his knee. Then April 6’th just 3 days after her 26th birthday she managed to side swipe a police car (of all people) trying to make a right turn. Now though she “claims” she doesn’t drink she managed to refuse the breathalyzer which of course is a no no and indeed automatic grounds for being charged with DUI.
Since then she has been spotted jumping a curb (while texting… again). Blocking traffic attempting to make a 3 point U Turn, running a stop sign (texting once again) and was accused for a hit and run while driving a rental car! This girl is a menace to society!
To make matters worse despite her impressive grades in high school it seems Amanda missed the day learning of just how the government works. Tweeting to Barack Obama maintaining her innocence and demanding that he fire the officer that arrested her since he has nothing better to do.
Of course she is fighting this outrage hiring the prominent DUI attorney that handled both Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton cases which begs the question of how prominent he really is considering how well it worked out for both of them.
Suggested Position: Over the Knee
Suggested Implement: Wooden Hairbrush
Suggested Spanker: Me (Hey its my Blog)
Suggested Punishment: 10 minutes over those tiny little shorts she wears every time she gets behind the wheel of a car
Corrective Action: Turn in License, stay away from farmers markets.