Name: Avril Ramona Lavigne
Profession: Fake punk rocker, Whining Warbler
DOB: September 27 1984
Hometown: Belleville, Ontario
It used to be Dear Readers that being a punk rocker meant something. In the days of old, the Sex Pistols insulted everyone, trashed hotel rooms around the world, did massive amount of drugs and were generally pissed off at everyone. They even made Mike Wallace buy them beer when he tried to interview them and suggested that Pete Townshend had a big nose. Those Dear Reader were true punks. Unfortunately the age of youthful discontent is over only to be replaced by political correctness and bicycle helmets. I for one mourn its loss.
But instead of rage induced songs about habitual unemployment, or bopping to the Blitzkrieg we are replaced by poorly behaved whining children complaining about their lack of entitlement. One of those girls is of course our next nominee for Women who Desperately need a Spanking. The one and only moaning minstrel Avril Lavigne.
When she burst onto the scene when she was a mere 17. I wondered indeed what this moody youngster had indeed to complain about. Growing up in the small town of Napanee Canada despite considerable misbehavior and getting kicked out of school a number of times seemed to have a rather idyllic life aside from the mountains of snow that cover the area 10 months out of the year. With her snotty attitude she sang not about bollocks but instead sniveled about boys, high school clicks and just about anything else a teenybopper would complain about. But none of them subjected us to their songs!
But indeed while she probably should have gotten a spanking just for that. It is simply not enough to appear on these pages. No something a bit more is needed to warm her bopping buns. Being that she appeared on the scene during a time of manufactured pop stars, she was egar to prove her music writing ability. The one small problem is that she seems to have a habit of plagiarizing material which she has been accused of a number of times.
Despite numerous claims against her she still insists that she is indeed a “serious” artist. Yet felt prudent to settle her claims out of court! Conveniently bypassing all the negative hype around it. But where there is one accusation there are multiples.
In addition to not writing her own songs it seems that young Avril has a tendency to flip off her fans, spit on photographers and just this weekend release a profanity laced tirade at a family friendly Tampa Rays baseball game because the fans were not sufficiently appreciative enough.
While admiringly taking a tough stand against drugs one wonders how indeed could one be any type of rock star without drug filled debauchery leading one to an early grave!
Furthermore, she also refuses to grow up. The teen angst is fine when one is 17 but at 24 still whining about her horrible life despite the millions she has made from the parents of idoling girls buying her posing posy crap. Yes indeed this girl is in desperate need of a Spanking!
Offences: Whining, Plagiarism, Obscenity
Suggested Implement: Joey Ramone’s Drum Stick
Suggested Spanker: Johnny Rotten
Suggested Position: OTK
Suggested Punishment: Spank her hard enough to give her something worthwhile to cry about
Corrective Action: Learn the correct application of makeup, grow the fuck up, Go back to Canada, be cold
PS if one of my dear readers made that spanking fake, please speak up so I could give proper tribute, I couldn’t find who created it,