Name: Nicole Richie
Profession: Cambodian Fashion model, Spokeswoman for Food-eaters Anonymous, Blonde Bulimics for Borneo and Anorexics of America. Skeleton Impersonator
Hometown: Berkley California
When history judges the first decade of the 21st century it will come no surprise to me if historians name this the No Reason Decade. The US was attacked for No Reason and the US attacked another country for No Reason. We have religious nuts with absolutely no reason attacking the teaching of evolution which ironically was based upon reason. Thousands of people die in the middle east each month for absolutely no reason.
True to our dedication to the reasonless decade, we began a trend to worship people for no other reason then their father was once either rich or a celebrity. Hell we even elected a president like that! Our next guest on Women who Desperately need a spanking is of course a celebrity of no reason. Please welcome Nicole Richie.
I guess I became mildly aware of Ms Richie as the other stupid blonde on the Simple Life. While sufficiently trashy looking she paled in comparison with the queen of the trailer park, her co-star Paris Hilton. Thankfully there was a falling out between our blonde bimbo's and the show was short lived on network television.
Now one could assume this was Ms Richie's 15 minutes of fame. But that was not to be which caused many of us to wonder just why this girl is famous in the first place? It turns out dear readers that Nicole was the adopted child of Lionel Richie who when not dancing on the ceiling was spoiling the crap out of his no talent daughter.
Why She Needs Spanking
Ms Richie has never been an angel. Being arrested 3 times and totaled 5 cars before the age of 21 would give anyone including Lionel to take this dear child over his knee. But instead of a beating of a lifetime she entered rehab for a drug addiction.
It seems at least for a while Nicole at least tried to clean up her act. It also may be she was too damn tired from starving herself. Ms Richie you see aspires to bring the true perfection out by looking like a Auschwitz survivor. After about a year and a half of even the paparazzi staring at her gauntness in horror Ms Richie finally seeked help for her "inability to gain weight".
After the clinic convinced that, while good practice for larger body parts, sticking your finger down her throat after every meal hampers the uptake of calories. Nicole rapidly began to look semi nourished and returned to the life of the No Reason Socialites.
If God truly indeed had mercy on us, this story would end here. Since your reading it here however you can assume that Ms Richie is still on our radar screen. It appears that without the starvation caused daze, her boozing days have come back with a vengeance.
What other badge of honor can a irresponsible socialite wear but yet another DUI conviction! What makes this saga all the more amusing is now poor Nicole faces JAIL time. I can only hope she gets sent to Bars and Stripes for a true correction of her attitude.
Offences: Stupidity, DUI, destruction of property, refusing food when people starve in this world
Suggested Implement: Razor Strap (Paddle would probably break her pelvis.
Suggested Spanker: Lionel Richie (He should have done this 10 years ago)
Suggested Punishment: 10 Swats with the strap after each meal until she reaches 125 pounds
Corrective behavior: Eat sandwich, go to rehab, Make raunchier sex tape then former co-star.