Name: Sarah Louise Heath Palin
Profession: Former Beauty Queen, Governor of Alaska, Vice Presidential Nominee, Book Banner, Religious lunatic, MILF
DOB: February 11th, 1964
Hometown: Buttfuck nowhere Alaska
Any loyal reader of The Spanking Spot has probably been waiting for me to write this since the day we ever unfortunately ever heard of Sarah Palin. To my Conservative Readers out there, perhaps you should skip this post since Your Humble Narrator has his liberal atheist elitist Commie Bastard rant hat on and indeed he has just about enough.
Today we bring you a woman in desperate need of a spanking (at least before the election) the Governor of Alaska, Darling of the Religious Right Wing and Vice Presidential Nominee. Please welcome Dan Quail with tits: Sarah Palin. Now Dear Reader if you haven't head about this women over the past two weeks you more than likely live in a soundproof box with no access to mass media (hey why then are you reading The Spanking Spot!). If this is the case Mrs Palin could possibly be the United States's Vice President! And that scares me Dear Reader as it should you
You see Every Senator, Congressman, President and religious leader that the Religious Right has ever pushed this nation has been a complete and utter embarrassment Dumb, Closeminded, Crooks and the occasional "Not Homosexual" caught in the men's room looking for a bit of sinful noogie. An embarrassment not only to Liberals, Dear Reader but Moderates and all but the hard core religious conservatives. Hell even the "Evangelicals" are embarrassed by most of them. For those of outside of this great nation one must be wondering if we Americans could really be that stupid to elect another one of these idiots to office. Sadly Dear Reader it appears that the answer is an unfortunate yes.
Sarah Palin came to us two weeks ago as the surprise Vice Presidential Pick of John McCain. The former Mayor of Wasilla (population 5400) and the sitting Governor of Alaska (a state with less people than many congressional districts) for a whopping 18 months is quite possibly to be a heart beat away from the most powerful position on earth. Now Dear Reader it is not her inexperience that makes her deserving of a spanking. Quite honestly I think any orangutan could lead this country better than King George, the worst president in history). No Dear Reader it is indeed not that, it is despite all the embarrassment and destruction the Religious Right's darling's has wrote upon this nation. The Republicans still insist on catering to these halfwits and we as a nation continue to consider them!
Indeed our Succulent Sarah has been quite the religious zealot over the years. Supporting "abstinence only" education which as a testament to how effective it was on her daughter is completely utterly useless. Upon being elected as the mayor of the metropolis Wasilla, she inquired about banning books and then tried to fire the librarian when she pointed out that just as our gun toting hockey mom believes in the 4th amendment she indeed believed in the 1st. Caught charging the victim's of rape for their own rape kit 4 years into her administration. A practice so abhorrent that the republican Alaskan State Legislators put an end to it. Finally although quite the MILF or in this case MILS she is a ardent opponent of Abortion even in the cases or rape or incest. How Sweet.
Now Dear Reader its not that I make a judgement on the morality of these actions. If you believe Abortion is immoral then that is indeed your right. Hell even I don't believe that abortion is "moral" in a good number of cases. But that's irrelevant simply because I AM NOT GONNA HAVE ONE! And if I were to face such a dilemma the world would be so fucked up for your Humble Narrator to become pregnant the issue becomes moot anyway. The ironic thing is that until 1874 the dominant religion at the time (The Catholic Church) was of the opinion that "life" starts at the "Quickening" which is when the female first feels the baby move. Perhaps extreme but a reasonable test. Up until Roe v Wade there were many concoctions on the market to cause a miscarriage. Most women knew exactly what they did and they were quite popular. No the whole "life begins at conception" nonsense began after Roe.
If we look at sexual abstinence. we find that just about any credible study has determined that teenagers tend to want to fuck alot. Its simply a part of evolution (another thing they don't believe). Being 16 20,000 years ago you were pretty much middle aged so therefore you were programmed to spread your seed just about anywhere you could. Its simply human nature that one is not going to change. Yet the religious right find it "dirty" even though Jesus says nothing about premarital sex. In fact the only reason why these "religion's" find it abhorrent is the fact that a Catholic Saint 400 years after Christ had a serious hangup and wrote about it incessantly.
No her views are quite wrong. But that indeed is not a excuse for a spanking! What is however is claiming that "God" wanted us to go to war with Iraq. "God" wanted us to build a pipeline. I am not sure about any of your Religion's Dear Reader but I do not recall a passage in the bible such as "Thus the Lord Sayith, Let that black gold rise from the ground and be drawn across the earth by the tube of salvation so thee Oil executives can get their bonus… Amen". While I don't have a problem with her belief that we were all made magically 6000 years ago despite the fact that the Shooshe Civilization is 2000 years older than that. I have a problem with her wanting to "teach the controversy" to my children. Perhaps Global warming is not man made. Perhaps it might be prudent to cut back on greenhouse emissions anyway "just in case"
In Spite of these views Dear Reader, we American's insist on listening to these idiots. Regardless of the facts, Regardless of our self interest, Regardless of our observations. We do this time and time again. Perhaps Dear Reader it is time for us to get a spanking.
Offences: lying, Being a Nutcase, Naming your kids Funny Names
Suggested Position: OTK
Suggested Implement: Hand and Hairbrush
Suggested Spanker: Joe Biden unless he wants to give a speech before hand
Suggested Punishment: one 3 minute spanking per lie. (should keep us busy through the end of the election)
Corrective Action: Neuter all children (effective birth control), Learn how to say the R sound, Go back to Alaska, Be Cold
Brushstrokes (Yes I know the Bikini picture is a Photoshop)