Name: Victoria Adams Beckham
Profession: Husband to famous footballer whom no one in the USA has ever heard of, Singer of questionably bad music. Spokeswoman for silicone implant industry.
Height: 5'4"
Weight: about as heavy as my 6 year old
DOB: 4/17/1974
Hometown: Hertfordshire, England, UK
Well, I haven't done this column in a while. Mainly due to the unholy triumvirate Hilton, Spears and Lohan who dominate the stupidity headlines for the past few months. While I am sure this will continue my little 
brain came up with some ideas for this column.
I am rather confused at the insistence of the world outside of the USA that us Americans enjoy Soccer (or as you call it Football) with such rabid enthusiasm as you all enjoy it. Now I know that this is will be an unpopular sentiment with my Dear Readers fortunate enough not to live in BushLand and perhaps I am showing my ignorance (wouldn't be the first time). But the Fact remains that in general we Americans couldn't give a crap about guys running around kicking a ball.
What further confuses yours truly is what kind of idiot would give the husband of our next guest on Women who Desperately Need a Spanking 250 million to play for a team that no one in the country even remotely cares about. If Pele couldn't make Americans care about soccer I 
can guarantee you that David and Victoria Beckham cannot.
Vicky came upon us known as "Posh Spice" as the member of a mildly amusing manufactured pop group called "The Spice Girls" back in the late 90's. After releasing a whopping 3 albums (one of which hit the charts in US). happily the Spice Girls went their own way.
But Britain was Smitten with the Poshter and upon marrying their most celebrated footballer Posh was saved from obscurity continuing to torture the island inhabitance with her solo music.
Why she needs a Spanking
Now perhaps I am being too harsh on poor Vicky. I mean she is used to be a top celebrity across the pond and is in for quite the reality shock here in the states. Her debut as an American celebrity failed miserably upon her arrival with her first reality TV "Special" being beaten badly in the ratings by reruns of WifeSwap.
I am not exactly sure what the UK's love affair with Vicky is. I know her husband is glorious (hell I would even fuck him and I am heterosexual). But other then that there is really not much to her. Perhaps the unsmiling plastic face, silicone infused torso and the liberal use of her finger down her throat after she eats endeared the brits. Unfortunately for her she moved to LA. Everyone there is like that!
Like many celebrities she has succumbed to the delusion that no matter where she goes she will be important. 
However in this day and age we Americans like our useless celebrities in their 20's, on drugs, driving while intoxicated, shaving their head and using liberal amounts of cocaine. How can poor Posh compete with that.
Furthermore, particularly in this country that "I never smile" nonsense will get her on the C list by November. Now given our voluptuous Vicky has come from incredible amounts of money. (she once complained about being driven to school in her fathers Rolls. The horror!). But quite frankly she needs to learn how to operate in a "classless society" which she is poorly suited for. 
To add to our American confusion about our Plastic Pinup Posh. Someone needs to explain to her that you cannot go around dressing your husband like a clown 24 hours a day. Here we call those people Gay (Not that there is anything wrong with that) .
Ah Dear readers fear not. I would expect that Victoria will be returning to Europe soon enough. As soon as our resident LA Alien Tom and Katie Cruise fail (or succeed) in getting her to believe in Scientology poor Posh will be relegated to the occasional mention in Page six in the New York Post and maybe a "I had sex with an Alien" article in one of our tabloids.
Offences: Presumption, Arrogance, annoying Americans
Suggested Position: All fours at the LA Galaxy Stadium
Suggested Implement: Club Paddle
Suggested Spanker: Pele (Hey he warned you)
Suggested Punishment: 10 swats of the paddle during the time out of her husbands first injury
Corrective Action: Smile, Get larger silicone breasts, Release sex tape in desperate ploy for attention, go back to Europe where people care, Eat something
Brushstrokes
Yes, yes, and double, YES!!!
[bare bottomed, and up-end, a must, for our little mrs. Beckham!]
LA-LA land, may have put out a red carpet…
..but, this naughty imp, could use a red backside, without doubt!
Bend-'er-over-your-knee-Beckham!!!
xx,b
Agree about football (soccer) its crap. Test Cricket is obviously the king of sports and before you say why should the USA care, the worlds first Test Cricket match was played between USA and Canada so it is about time the co-inventing country of this started playing it again. It's just not realy a true sport unless one match lasts 3-5 weeks.
Prefectdt
Please do not send her back: it's taken the combined efforts of a continent this long to get rid of her …
Granted
Personally I like Irish Hurling. A bunch of drunk guys hitting each other with large sticks
The ball is relatively incidental
I do love soccer. Though I think they are way more exciting players than Beckham, such as Ronaldhino.
Re: Posh, hmm I dunno, she doesn't do anything for me, one way or the other. Though if she was over my lap, I don't think i'd totally mind that…
Rock on,
Dave
While, it's been a while since you wrote anything under this category, but this was worth it!
Agreed – we've had to put up with her whining diva-ways for too bloody long, it's time you guys did your time with her!
Amy
x
Hey I would put that girl over my knee for a spanking anytime
she is cute hasgreat tits wears short skirts to make her as easy to spank and i would shagg her from behind when finished turning her bottom red with my hand
Well thats the end of that she is preggers again to that twatt so she is of the spanking list
Now I'm not stalking you here…just having a look at your site and randomly clicking on things – and you will be pleased to know you rate a A+! I don't give many of those out. You do seem to have a few illusions about our Victoria – she came from a very middle class background, and was only "Posh" compared to the others
I have a nasty feeling she would snap in half if you spanked her. And there would definitely be a lot of whining between swats. Well, that's it for now. I will certainly be back provided I can get around that blocking feature you're about to invoke. Thanks!