Name: Britney Spears
Profession: Former Pop Tart, Bad musician, Soon to be Ex wife of K-Fed (aka Cletus)
Home Town: Kenwood, LA
I don't particularly believe in Fate, I think we all make our own way in life and that's what essentially make us, well us. But sometimes I have to question this belief. Think back dear readers about one little thing in your life that could have changed it all. A person you might have married if things worked out, If your adopted, maybe your birth mother or father kept you. If you took that job in the World Trade Center in 1999 (I almost did). How different things would be. It seems that fate for our next guest on Women who Desperately need a spanking had little effect on her life. Had it not been for her questionable music talent and the ability to look unbelievably hot in a school uniform she might have ended up married to a loser with a litter of kid living in a doublewide. Instead she hit the bigtime, married a loser, had a litter of kids and lives in a doublewide mansion. It seems white trash trumps fate in Britney Spears life.
The story of our pop tart trash began in 1999 with the release of her single "Baby one more time". Musically it made little impact until her video showing the then 18 yr old prancing around in a school uniform making teenage boy and dirty old men alike swoon. Britney has been with us ever since.
It even looked like for a while she wasn't as brainless as manufactured musicians tend to be. In 2003 she created quite a stir at the MTV music awards by sharing a intimate moment with Madonna. Now dear readers, I never liked Madonna much, but I have to admit the woman is far from brainless. She is an entertainment Genius. It looked for a while that Britney would be the Heir apparent.
But alas this not to be. Unable to control her white trash genetics she fell in love with an obscure backup dancer name Kevin Federline (who we will now refer to as Cletus). After knocking up then girlfriend Shar Jackson, Britney began to play Heidi ho with Cletus while Ms Jackson was pregnant with their second child.
Love is fleeting in the trailer park, dear readers for after only 2 years of marriage and pushing out two children who have inevitably lost the genetics lottery. Ms Spears filed for divorce from Poor Cletus. Perhaps it was a turn of fate, Perhaps it was Cletus spending money like a drunken sailor on $1000 sneakers, jewel encrusted cell phones and Fly rims.
Why she needs a spanking
Now ladies, I know you all (or will) eventually have a fling with a brainless pretty boy. (though I would say that doesn't exactly describe Cletus). And that's OK. But what sometimes escapes women is what men for millennia have known. You don't bring that stripper with the IQ of a your pet gerbil you met and the local "Girls Girls Girls" place, to momma and you certainly DON'T MARRY THEM!
But imagine ladies, Perhaps your wits escape you, and you marry the brainless twit. You also happen be worth an obscene amount of money which rely on your bubblegum pop image to generate. YOU DON"T LET CLETUS MAKE A SEX TAPE OF YOU! DISNEY DOES NOT LIKE SEX TAPES!
Now I never imagined was Ms Spears being a brain surgeon. But she had the forethought to follow Madonna's lead and get where she is today. Was it dumb luck? perhaps. Then again the Child services investigation from her driving around with a baby on her lap (twice) might just indicate she is not as smart as I first thought.
So now she faces a one time payment of 30 mil and the custody of her children or Cletus releases the sex tape (which I look forward to by the way). Of course the children are just $$ to Cletus, but I would bet if she added some gold teeth caps and box seats at a monster truck rally as a sweetener to the pot he would drop that custody provision.
Offences: Pure Stupidity
Suggested Implement: Razor Strap (That's what they use down south right?)
Suggested Spanker: Me! (Hell why not its my blog)
Suggested Position: Bent over, Grab the ankles
Suggested Punishment: 10 whacks with the strap (Repeat as needed)
Corrective Behavior: Write I will not marry a moron 1000 times, Don't marry morons, release sex tape.